Greetings…
Posted on May 25, 2007
Filed Under RELEVANT Editors |
Greetings, online dwellers. As you may or may not know, I’m Adam, the managing editor here at RELEVANT. As you can see, the new website has brought with it new features, like the editor’s blog. So, we’ll be seeing a lot of each other in the weeks to come (or rather you will be seeing a lot of me, as this infernal contraption does not allow me to see you, and if it did, would violate a myriad of privacy laws). It’s quite exciting to be thrust into the blogosphere. I haven’t quite decided which direction to take this new venture, whether it be personal narrative or something more structured. I do know that I’m going to try to strike a decent balance between depth and frivolity. Often I’ll be speaking on weighty subjects that are close to my heart, but just as often, I will most likely write something entirely ridiculous. I feel that’s a fair picture of my personality. One thing I have decided is that regardless of the subject, I intend to end every post with my idea for a new Rambo film (many of which Jesse Carey and I collaborated on). Without further ado, here’s the first.
Rambo V: Night of the Tiger
Synopsis: The film opens with a montage of Rambo working on his secluded farm. We see him plowing a field, feeding deer by hand, and helping a cow give birth. Finally, we see Rambo throwing a football through an old tire when The General appears. The General tells Rambo that the United States government needs his help. He’s the only one that can save the nation from disaster (though we’re never told what the disaster is). In the next scene, a Chinook helicopter hovers over the jungle. The bay door opens and Rambo rides out the back on a motorcycle. When he lands, he looks skyward, says, “Thanks for the ride,” then shoots the Chinook with an arrow. The helicopter immediately explodes. Rambo spends the next hour and a half killing people of some loosely defined military affiliation in an unnamed Asian country. Finally, Rambo is cornered by a sneering villain we are led to believe is the mastermind behind whatever disaster The General was speaking of. “Give it up, Rambo!” he says. “You’ll never save those orphans!” Now, it should be noted that orphans have, to this point in the film, never been mentioned. Nonetheless, Rambo responds with, “At least I’ll go out with a bang.” He pulls the pin on a grenade dangling from his belt. There’s a cut to stock footage of a nuclear blast. It’s followed by a musical montage of Rambo riding a wheelie on his motorcycle while an American flag waves in the background, and the words, “The End?” appear on the screen. Roll credits.
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