The Jerk
Posted on July 31, 2007
Filed Under RELEVANT Editors |
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about grace, particularly about how seldom I offer it to those around me. I was recently in a situation where someone with whom I had decided to be angry point blank asked me to extend grace to them. That’s a tough pill to swallow, especially when I had already expended so much energy deciding to be angry.
When I think about it, though, most of the time when I think I’m in a position to dispense grace, I’m really the one who needs to be asking for it. Basically, I’m often an intolerant jerk who lets himself become irritated by other people’s minor idiosyncracies. I once heard a pastor say that if we find ourselves becoming consistently bothered by someone else’s actions, we need to remove the law in that area of the person’s life. In other words, if you get annoyed because your roommate leaves dishes in the sink, stop holding your roommate to the standard of not leaving dishes in the sink. After all, in the grand scheme of things, leaving dishes in the sink is pretty minor. Most of our annoyances are born out of our own self-centeredness, anyway. We expect to be treated a certain way, and feel we deserve to be. When someone’s actions run contrary to our expectations, we become indignant. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I need grace from others far more than I dispense it to them. Most times when I’m offended or annoyed by something, it really boils down to my own selfishness. I’m just glad that there are enough people out there who are willing to show grace with a jerk like me.
Below, of course, is the plot of another Rambo film.
Rambo VII: The Treasure of The Were-Lion
This film opens with Rambo in a college classroom, quite obviously in the middle of a lecture (perhaps on the finer points of Baudelaire). He looks the part of a stereotypical college professor, sporting a tweed jacket, wire-rim spectacles and a pipe. As he lectures, The General appears in the doorway. “Pardon me, class,” Rambo says.
In the next scene, Rambo and The General walk through the quad. The General tells Rambo of a new terrorist threat (a secret base of terrorists on the moon who are plotting to ram it into the earth), while Rambo protests that he no longer works as a soldier of fortune. He is an academic. As they talk, a frisbee flies into the frame. Rambo catches it without looking or breaking stride, then hurls it back in the direction it came from where it promptly explodes.
Suddenly, Rambo and The General are surrounded by ninjas. Rambo (now inexplicably shirtless) begins to fight them off, somehow causing most of them to explode. After the ninjas are dispatched, we hear a small boy calling for Rambo. Rambo runs to his side. He is an 8-year-old paraplegic boy who has been mortally wounded in the course of the melee. “Rambo,” he says, “don’t let my death be in vain!” With this, he expires. “Noooooooooooooo!” Rambo cries, shaking his fist at the heavens. “He was my best student!” We are left to wonder at this statement how Rambo, as a college professor, could have had an 8-year-old student.
“See, Rambo?” The General says. “Now won’t you help your country?”
“I’m not doing this for my country,” Rambo says. “I’m doing it for Timmy.”
Rambo straps on a jet-pack and flies to the moon, where he kills ninjas for the next 90-minutes. It should be noted that, at one point, Rambo picks up a Great White Shark and hurls it at a group of ninjas. It swallows three of them whole and hits a guard tower, which explodes as a ninja falls from it, pinwheeling his arms. Rambo then quips, “I’ll meet you on the shark side of the moon.” Rambo dispatches the last of the ninjas and Molly Ringwald runs to his side. As Simple Minds’ “Don’t You Forget About Me” plays, she takes out her diamond earring and puts it in Rambo’s palm, closing his hand over it. She kisses him and turns to leave, and Rambo thrusts his fist in the air triumphantly as the scene freeze-frames. Roll Credits.
Note: During the credits, the blooper reel from Cannonball Run 2 plays.
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I’ve been dealing with the same attitude lately and you’re right, in the end I’ve come face to face with my own selfishness and expectations that I don’t expect people to reach. I suddenly realized that I was beginning to see myself as the persecuted, and everyone else in the world has a total lack of disrespect for me and therefore everything. However, this is a common symptom of “plank in the eye” syndrome raised by Jesus in Matthew 7: 1-5. We, as humans, always shrink away from the one thing we are most scared of-dealing with what lies inside of us, but Jesus insists that we take care of that first before we deal with others. Thanks for your insight and honesty. God bless.
Nicely stated. Grace was not only meant for our salvation, but also for our everyday lives.
re: Grace
verses like, “but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses,” and, “for with the measure you use it will be measured back to you,” make the jerk inside of me squirm.
re: Dr. Rambo
it would be sweet if “now inexplicably shirtless” scene could be re worked to where only his undershirt and dress shirt were gone and yet somehow his pimpin’ tweed jacket was still there… i think it would give a good balance of bare chested warrior and academic professor.
why can’t people just clean up their dishes? why can’t we just call them out on their own selfishness? the idea of grace seems easier to me ironically for really big stuff like murderers or adulterers. almost as if those are the ones grace was intended for. its the day to day little stuff like dirty disherers that tests my ability to extend grace. twisted i know.
Scoop!
That is totally the answer to something I was thinking about for a month or so now. It makes sense. I kinda like to blame people for their silly actions, then be mad at them for their silly annoying inconsiderate actions, and then want them to change without having to do anything about myself. Good point.
first of all, thanks sharing your gut honesty. It’s convicting and inspiring.
second of all, the Rambo thing makes you my new hero.
I agree with you totally. It’s really awesome to see people, myself included, that are learning GRACE. A few years back my mom had told me the same thing because I was constantly being annoyed by and getting angry at my younger brother. This really hit me and has helped me to re evaluate when I am frustrated at or annoyed with someone.
I do have to say that you do have to talk to people about things that are bad habits or really are a problem. IE dishes in the sink! You have to come to them open and encouraging. Really talk to them without any anger or frustration or else they’re gonna block out what your saying. Many times if you do this the person will make an honest effort.
I’ve been having a hard time with grace regarding my girlfriend’s past lately. It’s hard for me to know that God has changed her heart completely from the life style she lived. I get waves of the Holy Spirit where I can give grace to anyone and anything, but in my flesh I cry out for the past to some how be changed (in my life as well). I don’t know how to move past what is behind and press on when sexual sin plagues both our past (and this culture). Do things change in marriage, does fear and jealousy subside?
Thanks Adam for sharing your story, it helps expose my self-centeredness.
Adam,
Loved your transparency. Grace has changed my life too. It’s liberating when you can choose how you want to respond. You’re not a slave to your emotions or to what other people have done.
Re: Dishes in the sink
I know this was not the point of your article, but why is that “dishes in the sink” tends to be the number one roommate annoyance? You would think that since it is such a popular pet peeve, the odds would be that one would have a roommate that did not leave dishes in the sink.
Greetings from a fellow jerk; not that I am proud of it. This post came just in time as I was reeling over my boss’s reaction to me telling him my 7 month old is very sick and that I needed to take him to the doctor. His response, okay, we can fill out the paperwork when you return. What? I expected something like, okay, I am sorry to hear that, I hope he get’s better. But NOOOOO, he wants me to now worry about paperwork. Anyway, perhaps this is where I should extend grace, thanks for the reminder.
The REAL Dude
http://therealdude.blogspot.com
please tell me that you saw gary busey make ryan seacrest/jennifer garner very uncomfortable at the oscars!!!!