Why does God take so long?
Posted on August 23, 2007
Filed Under Relationships |
Kenton sent me a great email asking a question I think we can all struggle with from time to time. He wrote:
I know that “in the end God will work out everything for the best”. I hear that all the time from pastors, parents, and friends. And, really, I think I believe it, too. I really do . . . Yet, I’ve been wondering lately about something. Why would God give people (give me) so many years of hard times just to work it all out in the end? I do not doubt that He works things out for good, but why does it take so long? It’s like we have to struggle through 10 years of bad times and tough times so that we can have one year of “everything working out”? . . . It’s like a movie where the characters struggle for the whole first two and a half hours with problems and situations, but then everything makes sense in the end—for the last two minutes. What about the first two and a half hours?
Great question Kenton. I, too, have wrestled with this one. I think that if we’re authentic in our faith, we all ask some form of this question from time to time. In walking out my faith, there have been long seasons that I’ve felt the ache of life more prominently than the good times.
Too long, I put my head in the sand as a way of trying to cope with the painful reality of living east of Eden. For me I tried and convince myself that if I was a Christian than life was suppose to be happy. (Either that or I turned to some kind of counterfeit fulfillment to numb the pain for a while—sex, work, and alcohol were my favorites). Then one day in the middle of a long season of despair, I was struck with a question that emerged from deep with in me,
“What if Jesus didn’t come so that I didn’t have to be in pain, but what if he came so that I didn’t have to be in pain alone?”
As I pondered this question over and over, I began to experience my faith in ways that I never knew was possible. To say it was exciting would be a lie—in fact it was pretty despairing. But what I began to come to know as I embraced my sadness and anger was that it was only in my pain that I could know Christ.
Paul’s letter to the Romans says it this way,
“Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.”
This passage comes just before the often quoted “All things work together for good for who love Christ.” It’s like Paul is saying you can’t get to good part until you walk through the groaning.
In my roles as a counselor and as a pastor, I’ve witnessed many different types of pain. A broken family; sexual abuse; the death of a parent, grandparent, sibling or child; the betrayal of someone trusted, a really bad job situation, or some shaming memory from childhood.
Heartache is not terribly diverse, but it’s for sure widespread. Everyone loses their innocence at some point—some of us gradually, some of us more suddenly.
When a person’s heart has been wounded the results are significant: self-protection, distrust of others, suspicion of God, and a fervent reliance on themselves.
We’ve learned from an early age how to squash our hearts and hide who we really are. We desperately want to be known. The trouble comes in that we’re all also scared to reveal our hearts to those who might judge us or reject us.
Erwin McManus articulates this well in his book Soul Cravings;
We’re all struggling to figure ourselves out. We’re afraid to expose our souls to those who might judge us, and at the same time, we desperately need help to guide us on this journey. If we’re not careful, we might find ourselves with everything this world has to offer and later find we have lost ourselves in the clutter.
In the face of pain, I got really good at working toward competency (or numbness) as a way of escaping life’s hard knocks and compensating for my shortcomings.
As wounded people, our facades come in all kinds of shapes, sizes, and combinations. They can be tough, cold, or calculating; childish, whimsical, or charming; powerful, aggressive, or assertive; pious, intellectual, or contemplative; conservative, radical, or compassionate. You get the idea? We fake it.
Here is the hard truth: Life is tragic, and God is faithful. Learning how to hold the two of these at the same time is the work of maturity in the faith. While we all can experience moments of happiness, life in this world is mostly defined by loss, difficulty, and struggle. No matter our skill set, intellect, creativity, personality, or faithfulness, we cannot escape the heartache that comes with living in a wrecked world that is groaning to be repaired.
There’s a myth that much of contemporary Christianity has bought into.
If you do it right, think about it right, pray about it right, and try hard enough, then your life will be successful: you will be “blessed.”
The problem with this way of thinking is that it is contrary to the reality of life and the cornerstone of Christianity.
As believers, its easy and damn attractive to adopt an attitude that says if we focus enough on our families and keep the right promises then we too can win at work and home. We love a quick fix. We’re all about finding a definitive solution. We hide from mystery.
Too often, in response to our own heartache, self-doubt, and/or mistrust, we buy into a philosophy that teaches us we can escape pain, incompetence, and the loneliness that is so common to life.
Full living comes when we begin to recognize our powerlessness to life’s pain and surrender to God. This is the threshold of freedom and the beginning of authenticity.
Christian spirituality offers us a way out of the traps of numbness, ability, and accomplishment. Whether we are goofballs or sages, screw-ups or tycoons, bums or nare-do-wells. Whether we clear the bar or not, our value is determined by the content of our hearts, not the plaques on the wall, the size of our wallets, or even the goodness of our families. Authentic Christianity is about living from the heart with integrity, passion, and intimacy.
Probably most anyone who has stayed awake ten minutes in church could tell you this. There is a big difference in knowing in your head and having an experience in your heart that changes who you are.
Being an authentic Christian has nothing to do with building a successful career, having a nice family, and mastering the mechanics of daily life. Maturity has far more to do with courageously tackling the deep questions of the heart, struggling with ourselves and with God, and finding out who we are really made to be.
Kenton, you’re asking a truly faithful question. It’s a question that will clarify you and set you apart. It’s the same question that Jesus asked in the garden, “Father, is their not another way.” The more willing you are to:
1. Feel your feelings,
2. Tell the truth about them to yourself, others, and God,
3. And give yourself over to the process of groaning and surrendering
the more you will begin to know Christ and he you.
The same is true for all of us.
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14 Responses to “Why does God take so long?”
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Thank you! You wouldn’t believe how timely that was for me.
I’m 20 years old and going through a custody battle for my 3 month old son. This summer has been the darkest of my life, but this blog definitely highlights how God has shown me quite the opposite. God has truly blessed me because he has forced me to sever most of my emotional ties to this world — ties that were damaging to God. I will always love my son, but knowing God is far more important. And knowing God will also help me to love my son unselfishly for the rest of my life, as little or as often as I’ll get to see him.
My wife and I have had a similar talk. We both feel like ‘there is always something.’ We are both active in ministry and begin to feel like it would be easier if we were able to ‘just go home’. Other people can leave church and work and go home to comfort and escape and it feels like I can never get away from the people in the church. I feel bad for wanting to. Sometimes I want to rest and hide. Jacki ask is there is ever going to be a mountain top or is it all valley for us. Not that we do not have good times and good days it just seems they are usually when we choose to ignore the pain for a short time.
After reading your post I am wondering if there is ever suppose to be good. I tell people all the time the point of salvation is not heaven it is the relationship. God doesn’t save you so you can ride rides and eat fruit - he redeems you so that you can have the right relationship with Him you were created to have. He was perfectly in line with the Father and still suffered. If I lived His life (the earthly life of Jesus) I suppose I would constantly feel rejected and down cast. No home, shady friends, low fundage and zero love life.
Maybe it is not about the mountain tops of the valleys or the easy or the hard - maybe it is about the conversation in the midst of whatever is going on around. After all the rest just serves to distract me from the words, the Word.
I don’t even know what to say…my wife and I are experiencing this right now. We do right, honor God, love others; but then we look around and see everyone else enjoying success while we wait for it to happen to us. We have a good life we know. We have a great marriage and jobs that pay the bills (although we don’t like them), and cars that still run (although we don’t like them either), and family that cares for us, and a wonderful church family too. But at times we get the feeling that we deserve more, and I know that’s wrong, but I can’t help it. Thank you for this article though…it was much needed.
“Being an authentic Christian has nothing to do with building a successful career, having a nice family, and mastering the mechanics of daily life. Maturity has far more to do with courageously tackling the deep questions of the heart, struggling with ourselves and with God, and finding out who we are really made to be.”
Thank you! This is my “gold nugget” of the day!
Thank you for writing this way! I agree and it was nice to be reminded that it’s not because I did something wrong…it’s because I know Him and it’s meant to be this way - and I’d rather know Him than anything else, so I’ll deal with it. I also know that all these hard times will pass and at the end of the day -even for 2 minutes, I’m standing firm, though I may get tipped, my wounds go as deep as my roots and He always brings us back cause we belong to Him….sweet!
Thanks for your words, I do agree that there are most definitely seasons in life where God says wait, I’m reminded of the pillow that sat on my friends couch that had the stitching,”A Faithful Man will be richly blessed”…it’s worth it staying the course, trusting the LORD, and there are really good seasons in life as well…it does seem that the pain tends to stick out alot, often times more than the joys of life…I enjoy a quote I recently heard on Smallville when Jor-el tells Clark, “the lessons we learn from pain are the ones that make us the strongest, always know that I love you”. I think there is some wisdom in that. Anyway I enjoyed reading, especially at this point in my journey.
I think there would be something wrong with us if we weren’t always going through something. Trials are meant to build character, so trust the process. I am not the same person I was even three weeks ago, because I had to make an effort everyday to know that God saw my faithfulness. I continue to pray, I continue to fast, I continue to worship…and I continue to TRUST HIS TIMING! Whatever you are in is for a reason, and sometimes we have to let go and really start appreciating God when things aren’t really moving in our lives. Change your perspective, and I promise, promise, promise, that things will get better.
There is an awesome verse that I hope will help someone who needs to be stirred up. God Bless!
Romans 5:3-5 says, Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
I keep crying out to God to move or speak or something because I’m in the midst of this hellish spiritual desert right now. And in my extreme boredom and lonliness this evening, I stumble onto this blog. And it’s what I’ve been needing to hear for awhile. Stuff that I know, but didn’t know how to articulate into coherent thoughts.
Thanks for writing something so genuine, that has obviously touched quite a few people. This is the encouragement that I’ve been lacking.
I really got alot from the blog and even more insight from the comments. There are many types of hurts and hurting people in the world; I am one of them from time to time.
I take comfort in knowing that God’s timing is slower than mine, but when He does choose to act, He is lightning quick.
Love,
The REAL Dude
http://therealdude.blogspot.com
This is the truth. We are nothing, get nowhere, understand little, unless we struggle. This struggle known as life is what breaks us and makes us realize that only through brokenness can we truly understand our need for the Lord. The difficulty is in trying to overcome the insecurity of being broken. We must allow Christ to pick up the pieces so that he can rebuild us.
I put this in my favourites pane ages ago. I called it ‘Worth Re-Reading’ because it is precisely that. I have been struggling with my faith for years now and it’s high time I stop focusing on that so much as me knowing from a 11-year intense relationship with Him that it’s not about me in the first place.
It’s all about His faithfulness, not my faith in it, because He is faithful whether or not I choose to believe it.
Thanks a lot.
great stuff, man we need more blogs like this.
I’ve always dreamed of coming from a rich family and growing up rich, because I hate poverty and would like to help others who are in the same boat (but God has to first call me to step out of the boat onto the water to do so). When I became a Christian, I found out that God owns the “cattle on a thousand hills”, in fact he owns everything, and he is my father, so I believed my dream had come true.
I’ve always felt like the older brother of the prodigal son, where the father tells him” all I have is yours”. I know this, but how on earth do I get in on some of it?
“I take comfort in knowing that God’s timing is slower than mine, but when He does choose to act, He is lightning quick”
Heres hoping.