True Friends
Posted on June 22, 2007
Filed Under Stephen Christian |
‘TRUE FRIENDS STAB YOU IN THE FRONT’ -Oscar Wilde
Where is the line between loyalty, truth and friendship. This was the topic of conversation as three friends and I ventured through the confusing but well lit streets of downtown Tokyo last night. My head swooned with past cases in life where I desperately wanted to say something to my friends but I shut my mouth for the sake of the so called ‘friendship.’ Now I want to think I know better. What better place to talk such matters of life than at a traditional Japanese cuisine better known as TGI Fridays. But this culture is beautiful, I have never seen a more respectful people in the entire world. The streets are clean, everyone takes pride in their profession, the art is intriguing, and the architecture is some of the most awe striking and futuristic in the world.
‘Don’t believe your friends when they ask you to be honest with them. All they really want is to be maintained in the good opinion they have of themselves.’
–Albert Camus
I’m sure mister Camus was making light of this topic, but I wonder sometimes if this is what people really want, a nod of false approval over the reproach of honesty and eventual clemency.
When and where is the point where the betterment of the other persons life is more important than a friendship? When do you care more about the other person than the time you have invested in that person. I think a true, real, and deep friendship must contain honesty to the point where it hurts, and inevitably there will be some amount of pain in any good relationship.
I recently had a friend who was in an absolutely in an unhealthy relationship. I was not yet that steeped into a deep friendship with them so I felt at ease in confronting the situation. Since that moment, however, our friendship has deepened immensely because they saw that I cared greatly for them and it gave them free liberty to be honest and pour into my life. Something I desperately want from all my friend’s, I don’t want to maintain the false opinion of myself if it means my character is not developing on a continual basis due to a lack of accountability.
I am at loss for words or know how on this situation as I am faced yet again with approaching a best friend this time. I have invested many years and many hours of pouring hearts to one another. I don’t know how to approach him/her, and am wrestling with simply keeping my mouth shut for the fluidity of our friendship. But I know now if I wanted to be approached with candid honesty than I must report with candid honesty. i have time, wondering these streets I am left with some sense of solitude because I only know two words in Japanese.
-stephen christian
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3 Responses to “True Friends”
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such a good thing to bring up. It seems like with friendships and relationships in general, it is the sort of thing everyone wants to put in the closet and pretend its not there, much like a college students laundry or bills. its easy to think we have best friends by avoiding the confrontation and the realness of a friendship, when in fact it is those deep talks, the straight-up honesty, and the brutal truth to one another that bonds a friendship together. It also doesn’t help that there is no standard or set way of how EVERYONE is. Each friend reacts differently.
You are truly insightful about this and I respect that. Best of luck with your decisions, actions, thoughts, and friendships. It’s definitely something we all need to remember each other in.
Nate Okuley
It’s hard because, friendship it seems has to be confrontational if it’s going to work.
In past friendships I can look back to non-confronted moments, and see where things could have been better, or prevented if only I had the guts to stand up for myself.
Stephen,
Yes! This is something that God has been teaching me a lot about lately. This also brings to memory a former roomate with whom I was upset one night. After she got back to the room, she asked how I was and as I said ‘ok,’ my voice cracked. She asked if I was ok. I lied and she came to me and looked me in the eye and said, ‘Talk to me!’ It was that action that let me know that she really cared. She could have gone on with her night, blowing off my shielded answer. Thanks for this!
Brooke (Atlanta, GA)