The Biggest Reason Social Media Could Be Killing Your Relationships

Are we casting off the things that should be sacred?

BY DEBRA K. FILETA RELATIONSHIPS October 24, 2017

I really like social media.

In fact, I’m a huge fan of Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and I even have a blog. It’s such a convenient way to connect with friends and family. With just a couple simple clicks you can get in touch with someone, share an article or look through a friend’s photo album—or even do all those things at once!

It’s great to be able to share pictures, thoughts and information with friends across the globe, bringing them into your world with the blink of an eye. In the business of our society, it’s nice to be able to stay connected when you may not have time for a 30-minute phone call (with three kids ages 7 and under—I actually don’t even remember what a 30-minute phone call is).

But even so, there can be a huge danger in this kind of “connecting.” In essence, there are times when the online world acts like a kind of social pornography—by taking sacred things and throwing them into a not-so-meaningful context.

When we look at pornography within the context of the sexual, it carries the same idea. We live in a society in which sex has lost so much of its value, because it is no longer set apart. Rather, it’s on display for the world to see. In a world where sex is blatantly bombarding us through the internet, entertainment, media and commercialization—the sacred has become ordinary in the pursuit of drawing an audience.

And sexuality that is shared with everyone loses its prime purpose: intimacy.

Sometimes, our approach to social media can pave the way for the same kind of problem. A place where meaningful things begin to lose their meaning—just to draw an audience.

In the same way, true intimacy and connection can get lost. Social media can allow for us to “connect” with people for the sake of connecting rather than for the sake of living, gratifying an urge inside of us momentarily, thus preventing us from experiencing true connection and true intimacy in its most fulfilling context: real life.

It’s almost humorous to see status updates (we’ve all done it …) talking about “how much fun” someone is having in the moment or “how incredible” this experience is with their significant other, because if it’s really that great: Why are we on Facebook right now? Why aren’t we savoring the moment?

Sometimes, I have to ask myself the same thing.

Matthew 7:6 is a really great analogy of what it means to keep track of the sacred: “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.”

You see, there is a tendency to talk about the moment, more than to savor the moment.

A tendency to take the sacred things in our lives and “throw them to the pigs,” giving them away to people who don’t really care, rather than investing those moments in the people around us who actually, genuinely matter.

Sometimes, social media becomes like a “social pornography,” because it gives us a platform to share some really sacred things, some really intimate details, in the context of a meaningless atmosphere. And in the end, if we’re not careful, it can cause those things to lose their sacredness.

This might be a hard bite to chew, and an even harder one to swallow, but hear me on this. I am speaking to myself just as much as I am to anyone reading. In focusing so much on our “audience,” maybe we’ve lost the real meaning behind the show.

We can become so focused on the connecting, that we actually take away from the living.

Maybe it’s time to bring the focus back on the living, and remember to set boundaries for the things that are sacred. Rather than tagging our wonderful friends every 15 minutes, maybe it’s time to turn off the computer, put down the smartphone, invite them over to the house and take the time to really connect with them: face to face.

Instead of posting pictures of our children every waking moment, maybe it’s time to snuggle with them, hold them and capture those precious memories in the depths of our hearts.

In place of tweeting about our deep love for our spouse, maybe it’s time to take them in our arms, and tell them how much they’re loved—face to face and heart to heart; even if no one else hears it but them.

And rather than share how much we love Jesus by liking a page, sharing an article or joining a group, maybe it’s time to learn how to love as He did and show compassion to the world around us in the reality and realness of everyday life. At the grocery store. In traffic. At work.

There is meaning in the sacred moments of life, not because anyone is “following,” “sharing” or “liking” but because they are things that are inherently meaningful in and of themselves—audience or no audience, likes or no likes.

These real-life relationships that God has given us are so meaningful, because through them, we are offered the opportunity to get a better glimpse of Him.

We do ourselves an injustice when we choose to connect superficially with the world around us in exchange for connecting intimately.

Don’t give in to the false intimacy that comes with social pornography and make time for the genuine intimacy that comes with the day-to-day real life.

Make time for the people around you. Here and now.

This article was originally published on truelovedates.com. Used here with permission.

DEBRA K. FILETA

is a Licensed Professional Counselor, relationship expert, national speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates. Her newest book for singles and couples, Choosing Marriage: The hardest and greatest thing you'll ever do, is available for pre-order and set to be released this Spring. Debra is also the creator of the popular relationship advice blog, www.TrueLoveDates.com, reaching millions of people with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter!

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