Each day, our team of editors and writers spend countless hours interviewing tastemakers and binge-reading listicles and news articles to get the gist of current events and bring you the latest in cultural trends. We got our team to put their collective knowledge together to forecast pop-culture trends that will definitely, with 100-percent assurance, become realities in 2015. We can confidently say they nailed it.

###Amazon Will Launch Innovative New ‘Pre-Emptive Delivery’ Service

Not content with same-week or even same-day delivery, Amazon will explore new psychic bounds of online shopping, delivering what you order to your front door before you even order it. Of course, you can protest their predictions if you want, but what are you going to do? Argue with Amazon? You? Don’t make us laugh.

###The KFC Fried Chicken Bucket Challenge Will Become the Internet’s Most Delicious Viral Trend

Following the success of the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, social media users will start Facebook’s most delicious viral trend to date: The KFC fried chicken bucket challenge. Friends and celebrities will raise funds and awareness for the finger-licking goodness of KFC by consuming a bucket of chicken and nominating others to do the same.

###The Supreme Court Will Decide Controversial Hobby Lobby (Hot Glue) Gun-Control Case

In 2014, the Christian-owned craft retail Hobby Lobby found itself embroiled in a controversial Supreme Court case involving health care, religious freedom and contraception. In 2015, Hobby Lobby will once again be the focus of major legal news, as the Supreme Court will tackle controversial (hot glue) gun-control measures aimed at Pinterest and Etsy-lovers’ right to bear (bedazzled, homemade-sweater adorned) arms.

###IMAX Bible Movies Will Give Christian Viewers an Extra 12-Feet of Screen Space to Find Even More Things to Complain About

After Biblical epics like Noah and Exodus: Gods and Kings caused a stir among some Christian viewers who debated their scriptural accuracy, a new string of IMAX Bible-blockbusters will give religious viewers a full 12 extra feet to find minor inaccuracies to write about in angry blog posts.

###All Social Media Will Just Fall into Three Categories: Political Rants, Selfies, Funny Videos

In 2015, all social media posts will finally just be assigned to one of three all-encompassing categories to allow for the ultimate ease of use: Political rants, selfies and funny videos.

###Netflix Will Launch ‘Just Admit It, You’re Never Going to Make Time to Watch This’ Button

Using thousands of hours of research into user behavior on the site, the algorithm experts at Netflix will launch a new feature in 2015. The custom button will be aimed at the vast number of subscribers who save thoughtful selections to their “My List,” even though they know full well they’ll never actually make time to watch them. Finally, Netflix users will have an accurately named area to save all those critically acclaimed history documentaries, TED Talk lectures, black-and-white Hollywood classics and foreign films they know they should watch, but never actually will.

###Full House Spin-off Will Inspire a Series of Extremely Ill-Advised TV Show Comebacks

The excitement of a new pending Full House spin-off will inspire a string of other, ill-advised sitcom comebacks, including Small Wonder (about a creepy, soulless, pre-teen robot child), Mr. Belvedere (let’s be honest here, is anyone still comfortable with the idea of live-in butlers?), Perfect Strangers (a show predicated on laughing at a clueless foreigner just doesn’t seem very appropriate in 2015) and Harry and the Hendersons (sadly, shows like Finding Bigfoot and Dean Cain’s 10 Million Dollar Bigfoot Bounty have already oversaturated the market for Sasquatch-themed programming).

###Hipster Worship Leaders Will Bring Back Transparencies During Vintage Praise and Worship Services

Because nothing is cooler than semi-ironic retro accessories (Mad Men-era eyewear, mustaches, normcore khakis, Birkenstocks), in 2015, hipster worship leaders will forgo typical PowerPoint-powered sing-alongs in favor of an old-school, “Lord I Lift Your Name On High”-era favorite: transparencies on overhead projectors.

###The ‘Cereal’ Podcast Will Captivate a Nation

The Cereal podcast, which will follow the dramatic events surrounding the comeback of French Toast Crunch, will become a breakout hit, elevating sponsor Mail … Kimp? to new levels of notoriety.

###Angelfire.Lycos.com Will Finally Get into the Original Streaming Programming Game

After the success of online outlets like Amazon (Betas) and TV.Yahoo.com (Community), ’90s Internet legend Angelfire.Lycos.com will get into the streaming programming business in 2015. Following in the footsteps of outlets like Netflix and Hulu, the Angelfire.Lycos.TV.Biz site will launch a series of original programs that pay homage to its Web 1.0 legacy. First up will be the drama The Chatroom—a reality show about Tom from MySpace—and then of course there will be an animated series featuring the gang from Homestar Runner.

###Taylor Swift Will Take Her Music Off iTunes, Bandcamp, the Radio, CDs …

After turning heads and showing a surprising savvy for taking business risks by taking all her music off Spotify, Taylor Swift will continue to refine her celebrity by removing her music from every platform. If you want to listen to her music, you’re going to have to ask her.

###Youth Pastor-Driven “Youthber Lyft” Cars, Featuring Comically-Oversized Pink Soul Patches, Will Become the Trendy Way to Get to Church

With their signature massive pink soul patches attached to the car’s grill, Youthber Lyft rides will become Silicon Valley’s next great idea. Just give them a call, deposit some Bitcoins, and a boldly facial-haired youth pastor will show up to give you a ride to church.

###GIFs and Emojis Will Become the Dominant Forms of Human Communication

Having lost our capability to communicate in face-to-face scenarios thanks to iPhone addiction, in 2015, GIFs and Emojis will become the primary means by which humankind communicates. Mostly composed of funny pictures of cats and tiny (but meaning-packed) symbols like a taco or a hand making a thumbs-up gesture, all actual interaction between fellow humans will only take place in these forms.

###Apple’s New iPharrellHat Will Finally Make Wearable Technology Cool

With the advent of Google Glass and the iWatch dominating headlines in 2014, Apple will finally find a way to make wearable technology actually cool by releasing the iPharrellHat. It will be the world’s first Dudley Do-Right style headpiece also equipped the latest apps, processors and camera technology, so you don’t feel like a weirdo when you want to walk around with a computer connected to your head.

###McConaissance Artwork Will Be Displayed at Museums Around the World

Following a string of critically praised roles (Mud, True Detective, Dallas Buyers Club, Interstellar) that transformed Matthew McConaughey from a rom-com heartthrob into an acclaimed thespian, in 2015, museums around the world will feature works of McConaissance art throughout their hallowed halls. Hand-chiseled marble sculptures, neo-Roman paintings, and sprawling classical murals featuring titles like “The Flat Circle of Time” and “Alright. Alright. Alright?” will become hallmarks of the movement.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *