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Personality Wish List

Personality Wish List


I remember always getting excited when I was younger about the Sears WishBook coming in the mail. The catalog opened up a world of new toys, which I could subsequently bug my parents for. Now that I am older, trinkets and toys are less appealing. However, it doesn’t mean the wish list has to go by the wayside. Now, I watch personalities and wonder what it would be like to have their job or abilities for a day. So with that said, here is my wish list of people I would like to morph into for a day.

10. Jim Rome—What an awesome job. Talking sports, listening to absurd and hilarious phone calls from “Clones” and rambling tangents are dream job requirements. “Blake is Burning,” unfortunately, doesn’t quiet have the same ring to it.

9. Tom Welling (Smallville)—Who hasn’t dreamed of being Superman? Enough said.

8. Pete Maravich (if he could have played for the present-day Sacramento Kings)—This is the first “scenario morph” on the wish list. Pete Maravich, moment of silence, could fill it up. He could also pass. Could you imagine him running a secondary break with Predrag Stojakovicand Bobby Jackson filling the lanes on the outside and Chris Webber trailing? Some would say we’ve seen that with Jason Williams running the point. No we haven’t; I repeat, no we haven’t.

7. Rick Reilly—What an occupation. Full-page column, on sports, in Sports Illustrated, on what ever you want. Unbelievable! I can’t believe this job actually exists. It is the Holy Grail of sports column writing.

6. Brad Pitt—Does anyone else think Brad Pitt looks 40? I don’t. I think he pulled off the age trick that Latino baseball players use to get noticed by major league scouts.

“That kid’s a good shortstop. How old is he?” says the major league scout.

“21,” says his coach.

The truth … he’s 12. That said, if I could pick any Brad Pitt role to morph into, I’m going to choose between his role in Ocean’s 11 and Snatch.

5. Donte Hall—Shiftiness. Human Joystick. Forget tackle football, I would love to have Donte Hall’s ability in a 12-game intramural flag football season. That would guarantee the coveted championship shirt.

4. Tony Kornheiser, Michael Wilbon, Statboy—Simple equation. Best sports show on television + me being a sports fan = wanting to be on the show. Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon are both very knowledgeable, but what about Statboy? Does he actually look up these stats, or just read off what the researchers have found? If the latter is the case, I’m perfect for that job.

3. Daniel Larusso—Some would call Daniel Larusso a loser because he rode a bike to school, wore camouflage pants with flannel shirts and dressed up as a shower for Halloween. So what makes him so cool? Despite all these “social adversities,” he was able to win the heart of the 1980s version of Elizabeth Shue. Not a bad day on the silver screen if you ask me. By the way, if any NFL player ever showcases the “crane technique” as an end zone celebration, he will automatically go onto my favorite players list.

2. Cru Jones—All-time underrated cool person. “Underdog Overachiever.” Small town boy who shouldn’t be able to win overcomes:

A) his mom’s bickering about the SATs,

B) the big business of bicycle companies

C) and the dreaded HellTrack.

Along the way, he also manages to woo pre-Full House Lori Laughlin with his dazzling bicycling abilities. A little moonwalk here, table top there, and her heart was smitten. Who wouldn’t want to be this guy? This guy is RAD.

1. Mike Vick (if he could play for Texas Tech right now)—Scenario Morph #2. This wish is so awesome I can’t think of a word to describe it. I will call it “Scrumtralescent!” Five wide receivers running routes to occupy all defensive backs and linebackers leaves only the lineman to stop Mike Vick. I predict an automatic 10 yards per scramble. (New stat category alert). If the defense runs a zone, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. Towns the fish, people are the barrel.

Everybody has their personality wish list. At least I hope so, because if not, I’m out on a limb here filling pretty lonely. But this is mine, and I would love to see a little “reply frenzy” to find out yours.

[Stories on are user-submitted. The viewpoints expressed are the opinions of the author and do not necessary reflect the opinion of RELEVANT magazine. For exclusive in-depth stories, subscribe now to RELEVANT magazine. If you are interested in submitting an article, please check out our writers guidelines.]


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