With the Super Bowl right around the corner, RELEVANT asks the question everyone–absolutely every person living–wants to know. How has Carman not been the Super Bowl Halftime show performer? The more you think about it, the less sense it makes.

It seems like such an obvious choice for so many reasons. Here are seven.

 1. ‘The Champion’-era Carman Was Definitely Channeling the Whole Philadelphia Boxer Thing.

Coincidence? We think not. Eagles fans, take notice.

2. Pyrotechnic Mastery 

Carman’s fire game is as good as anyone’s.

3. High Budget Special Effects

Before there was Lemonade or Runaway, Carman was was creating epic visual stories to accompany his music. Eat your heart out, Kanye.

4. Patriotism

Cause ‘merica loves to Jesus with her football. And no one loves Jesus and ‘merica more than Carman.

We’re gonna’ give him the benefit of the doubt and say that, looking back, Carman would probably be embarrassed at the over-representation of black and brown people as criminals in this video. But the thesis still stands: America would be better if her people were more committed to The Gospel.

5. He Would Close with an Altar Call

Our managing editor once famously read Leonard Ravenhill’s Why Revival Tarries in one sitting. He reported that, while Ravenhill makes some salient points, his thesis failed to touch on the fact that Carman had not been invited to perform at the Super Bowl.

6. It Would Scare Viewers Away from the Dangers of Witchcraft

There will be no need for the obligatory conspiratorial YouTube videos accusing the halftime show of being a coded illuminati worship service.

7. There Will Be No Lewd ‘Wardrobe Malfunctions’

Perhaps the most controversial thing Carman has ever done is get married in his 60s.

JUST MARRIED SAT: Dec 16thIt’s been a long time coming but Uncle Carm, the proverbial bachelor bit the dust tonight…

Posted by Carman Licciardello on Saturday, December 16, 2017

 

 

 

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