It is easy to be grateful when things are wonderful, but we need to learn how to be grateful when times are difficult too. I had a lodge I worked on building for twenty years burn to the ground. It was gone in twenty minutes. That was a gut punch. Everything that was special to our family, every memento, every photograph, all gone. It probably wasn’t a house that burned down for you. Maybe it was a relationship, or perhaps it was a career choice. Whatever it was, how do we stay grateful in the middle of these big setbacks we all face in our lives?
It’s about perspective. Hard things happen for any number of reasons, but one of the outcomes is that we get the opportunity to be more conformed into God’s image. That sounds like a big theological statement, but here’s the deal. You and I end up looking a lot more like Jesus when we recognize our desperate need for Him—and tragedy exposes our needs.
Sure, we have all experienced disappointment, but rather than remaining glum, we need to learn how to get past the moment of total letdown and move on toward the bright hope that Jesus offers for the future. If you want a different outcome, adopt a different approach when you encounter a setback.
We have all experienced setbacks. Gratefulness happens when we understand what happened, confront our feelings that rose up in response, and then chart a course toward the future. This isn’t the end; it’s the dawn of a new beginning orchestrated by a loving God. This is not to say we should simply ignore the pain in our lives. Masking our pain is like applying Bondo to a dent in the car. It’s temporary and superficial and eventually will fall off. Instead, God wants to perform metallurgy, causing a deep transformation within us that turns our wounds into tools for His work.
It is easy to be appreciative when life presents us with a windfall, like a surprise million-dollar check, but what about those moments when life takes an unexpected nosedive, and we find ourselves in chaos and turmoil? How can we cultivate gratefulness when it seems like God allows difficulties to be our greatest teachers?
Paul told his friends that these hard things happen so that we can be more conformed to God’s image. That sounds at first like a big theological statement, but the truth is, it is a huge theological statement. Hard times shape us more than we realize. We either become a reflection of our pain or a reflection of our hope.
Gratefulness starts by reflecting on the things God has done and recognizing His “good and perfect gifts.” The first chapter of the book of James talks about God being the origin of every good gift; our job today is to recognize them and call them out. This doesn’t mean to walk around with a giddy, dumb look on your face as if you are vaguely grateful for everything in general. Get clear about exactly what you are grateful for. For example, “I’m grateful for my oldest child, for their uniqueness, for the things that have driven me crazy about them, and all the energy they bring into every room.” Or, “I’m grateful for this job I have and the opportunity it gives me to grow. The difficulties are making me stronger, and my courage is expanding by the day.” If we get more specific, we will become more grateful, because specificity and gratitude travel together.
Gratefulness can be difficult, though, when it comes to some of the harder aspects of a person or a situation, but people—and life—are multifaceted and complicated. It’s like when our lodge burned down and we started the almost decade-long process of rebuilding. As we were picking out new marble for the countertops at an industrial showroom, I saw a slab with an elaborate swirl in it. Sweet Maria has much better taste than me and the colors and pattern were too wild, but the marble guy said, “You know what makes that piece of stone so unique is also its weakest point.” That’ll preach. We can be thankful for both the good, easy-to-love sides of people and the hard, more flawed sides of them. Those weak points might just be evidence of what makes them unique. As you’re working on increasing your gratefulness today, replace a vague concept of gratefulness with a specific sense of gratefulness. Do this, and you will begin to see more of the good things God has dropped in your life, His perfect gifts from above, coming down just for you.
Ask yourself, How can this difficult thing equip me for the next hard thing? Then get curious about what God will do next. Don’t try to cover over the blemishes in your life or green-screen them. Finding gratefulness in the middle of hard things doesn’t mean ignoring those hard things but instead engaging them and harnessing all the good that can be found as we grow and change. What are some of the hard things you’ve experienced? What went wrong, and how did you feel about it?
What are you grateful for today? Get as specific as you can and you will see the unique ways God has been showing up in your life.
