We are in the golden age of superheroes. Uniformed world-savers with strange powers and the ability to spout endless one-liners have taken over Hollywood, becoming inescapable fixtures of TV and the box office.
One segment of the comic universe has been largely ignored, however, with Christian culture’s own brand of superhero being (mostly) shut out of all of the Hollywood fun. Thankfully, we’ve created this list, ranking the best crime (or this case demon) fighters Christian culture has to offer, mainly as an incentive for some hot shot producers to see what they’re missing out on.
This definitive ranking has been created on a top secret, but ultimately flawless scale, measuring attributes like how sweet their uniforms are, superpowers, back story and how easy it was to find cool images of them on the Internet.
Bibleman is undisputedly the lamest named superhero ever, Christian or otherwise. His back story is equally weak: For reasons that are unclear, an otherwise successful businessman freaks out, runs into the forest, throws his briefcase in a fit of rage and dives face-first into the mud—where he finds a Bible. Next thing you know, he’s spending his days light saber fighting “super-villains,” who were actually just super-obvious metaphors for mostly trivial personality vices (“The Gossip Queen,” the vain “I.M. Wonderful,” the bad-boy “2Kul 4Skul,” and “The Slacker,” who was armed with “Lasers of Laziness”). Nothing about Bibleman makes any sense.
10. The Illuminator
In 1993, Marvel released its own foray into Christian comics with The Illuminator. Sadly, his uniform—which was basically just baggy, bright blue motorcycle riding gear—and superpowers (the ability shine an extremely bright light and fly), didn’t exactly make him the most memorable character in Marvel universe. His series lasted just three issues.
Biblegirl is only slightly cooler than Bibleman, mainly because her origin story does not involve running into the woods after work and freaking out for no apparent reason.
8. Captain Salvation
Captain Salvation deserves a nod simply for the fact that he and his sidekick, Joshua’s, primary mode of transportation is a Harley Davidson with a sidecar.
7. Mr. Christian
Not exactly the most imposing name, Mr. Christian at least has some cool powers bestowed on him by an angel: super-strength; beams of light that blast from his hands; a staff that has “unlimited uses of power” and, somewhat oddly, the ability to fly “at moderate speeds.”
6. Larry Boy
Is it even a real ranking of Christian superheroes if Larry the Cucumber’s crime-fighting alter ego isn’t on the list? The vigilante vegetable fought off bad guys without any arms or legs or really anything. It’s actually a massive mystery how he was able to accomplish anything at all.
Matt Murdock’s (aka Daredevil) Catholicism is a big part of his identity, and is the reason he’s in the justice business to begin with. Though, we’ll readily admit that if it weren’t for Netflix’s great new series, our last memory of the underrated hero would have been Ben Affleck’s embarrassing feature film, placing him much lower on this list.
4. Armor Bearer
Just look at this dude. In addition to having arguably the coolest looking uniform, Armor Bearer has supernatural access to “vast array of swords, shields and body armor.” A VAST ARRAY.
3. Captain America
Though his religion has never been explicitly clear, Captain America’s character has always had Christian undertones. There was also this sick burn from The Avengers:
Boom, roasted, Asgardians.
2. The Archangels
1. The Faith Walker
Faith Walker has a cool name, an awesome bow staff, and a short description that really tells you everything you need know: “street preacher, law-enforcer and urban hero.” Also, his graphic novels have sweet titles like “The Sin Assassins.”