One advantage of being a pastor who comes from the streets is that I can easily spot people who have an addiction, including in the church. Let’s just say my discernment muscle has been well-trained. Now, I’m not talking about people addicted to heroin or cocaine. Nope. I’m talking about those who use church like a drug. These are people who go to church and scream, holler, and feel God in the moment but are incapable or unwilling to develop a genuine relationship with Him.
Let me be clear: Relationships are complex, whether with fellow human beings or God. It’s much easier to distill religion into a rule book or debate strategy than to really get to know God. But no matter how hard people try, they can’t transform their religious knowledge into a relationship that produces Holy Spirit power. Religion may seem to have all the answers, but it often fails to recognize the true power of God. It is not enough to go through the motions and pretend to have a relationship with God. That’s why one of the first steps in breaking free of whatever has us trapped is to let go of religion and actually connect with God.
To truly connect with God, we must make a lifelong commitment to Him, much like in a marriage. If there’s no cross, there’s no power. The power we need to break free of the chains that have us bound is at the cross. When we put away our foolish ways, we will see the fruit of repentance. We can’t just do good things and expect goodness to follow. We can read our Bibles, pray, and fast—all good stuff—but we have nothing if we are not in relationship with God.
He doesn’t just want to be first in our lives; He wants to be our everything.
We may want to walk in the power of God, but we have to get to know God to understand how He moves. This happens when we crucify our own will and desires and put Him first in our daily choices. When we release our manipulative ways and allow ourselves to be led by His Spirit into truth, we experience His power.
One day while I was praying, I sensed the Lord saying, “Juan, you know, you guys are doing it wrong.” And I thought, “What?” Then He said, “Shout it from the rooftops: You gotta have a relationship with Jesus Christ.” I have visited churches both in the United States and abroad where Christians talked about having a relationship with Jesus everywhere they went.
But the Lord told me, “Juan, My people don’t understand the word relationship.”
God kept downloading revelation to me, and another time He said, “Some who have received salvation think they have a relationship with Me. Yet they don’t because they never had a relationship with their earthly father or haven’t seen a good example of a mother and father.”
This hit me like a ton of bricks because I had a rocky childhood relationship with my father. I knew a father provided for his kids, but my idea of a father was nowhere near the image God wanted me to have of Him. If a person has never seen a healthy father figure or has never been in a healthy relationship, how are they supposed to know how to build a deep relationship with God?
This is the problem we see in the church. Many people gravitate toward religious traditions and go to church seeking an emotional high because they don’t know how to have a personal relationship with Jesus. They don’t know how to communicate and connect with Him because they’ve never actually seen a healthy relationship.
Growing up, I saw my dad only once a month. He never communicated with me the way I’ve learned to talk to my wife and kids. I don’t just speak to be heard or refuse to listen to anybody else. I don’t tell my family or anyone else that what they say doesn’t matter. I communicate.
Before I became a Christian, I didn’t know how to communicate. I didn’t know how to love my wife well or even what the word relationship actually meant. Learning to communicate was hard at first because I wasn’t looking to Jesus or trying to listen to Him. Instead, I just told Him what I needed and kept rolling. Coming from Catholicism, I might have said a Hail Mary, but I didn’t know if God would answer, though I was hopeful.
Looking back, I realize I had no real relationship or communication with God, even though I thought I did. When I eventually began to understand what having a relationship with Christ truly meant, that’s when my heart shifted.
One definition of the word relationship is “the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.”1 A relationship is also defined as “the state of being connected by blood or marriage” and “the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave toward each other.”2
The latter explanation is most captivating. It reminds me of the relationship between a landlord and tenant. Each party in that relationship has a role and responsibility, right? That means understanding our roles helps us create a better connection.
For example, the landlord must maintain the place where the tenant lives. And the tenant has to pay the rent, lease, or whatever they’ve promised to give the landlord. If either party fails to properly connect according to their roles, boom—the entire relationship blows up!
From here I started thinking about the whole construct of parent-child and husband-wife relationships. After I got saved and was later released from prison, I set out to rebuild my relationship with my children, whom I had not seen in nineteen years because I was touring as a drug dealer, serving the devil. I was like, “What up! I’m Dad.” And they were like, “What up! I’m son [or daughter].” Even though we had titles, I had to learn how to be a father, and they had to discover their roles as my children in order for us to have a relationship. It took about eight years to do so, but we finally connected once we understood our roles.
Connecting differs from speaking. Everyone talks, but few connect. My children and I talked so we could connect. We listened not just to the other person’s words but also to their heart. We communicated. I am their father, they are my kids, and when we finally connected, we operated as such. We struggled at first, though, because we had never experienced the kind of connection I wanted us to have. Sometimes I would get so frustrated because there I was, the dad, begging my kids, “Yo, text me back! Communication goes both ways. I can’t do all the texting.” But then the Lord revealed to me, “You expect them to do something they’ve never done with you just because you’re their father.” When God said that, I thought, “Oh, man.”
Our relationship with God grows as we communicate with Him. Communication draws us into a deeper connection. To love God means actively doing what He prefers. It means embracing His will, choosing what He desires, and obeying His Word. We do not show God love when we put Him on the back end. When we say, “Oh, I messed up; I’m sorry,” but continue to do what we want, that is not love; that is manipulation. Love is designed to help you control your emotions and choose what God prefers—that’s how you mature. You develop and evolve every time you love. And here’s the crazy part: When I choose what God prefers, that choice always wins.
Many speak “Christianese” and say they’re going to “die daily” but they never do, so nothing happens. We must live by the truth. When we reject our way and choose God’s preferred way instead, our religious knowledge is transformed into a power-packed, God-filled relationship that empowers us to connect with Him and others!
