Mike Todd is no stranger to helping people navigate the chaos of modern love. His viral sermon series Relationship Goals became a bestselling book, a cultural reset in Christian dating circles, and now—it’s becoming a movie. With production underway on the upcoming Relationship Goals film, Todd is diving even deeper into what healthy relationships actually look like and why so many of us keep getting it wrong.
“We keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result,” Todd tells RELEVANT. “That’s literally the definition of insanity. So why not try something different?”
That “something different” is what Todd calls The 90-Day Rule — a three-month intentional dating framework he and his wife, Natalie, have used to help couples stop spiraling through unhealthy patterns and start forming real, lasting connections. It’s not a gimmick. It’s not legalistic. It’s just a reset button for your love life.
And honestly? It kind of makes sense.
Start With a Friendship — and a Time Limit
Todd’s first dating tip is painfully simple: slow down. That might sound counterintuitive in an era where love is gamified by swipes, stories and sneaky DMs, but he insists it’s the key to clarity.
“Take 90 days to just get to know each other — without pressure,” he says. “You’re not promising forever. You’re not dragging your friends into it. You’re just building a friendship and figuring out if this is someone you actually want to build with.”
In other words: it’s not “just talking,” it’s intentional friendship. This time frame isn’t about playing games — it’s about giving yourself the margin to actually observe the other person’s patterns, values and character before emotions and physical chemistry cloud your judgment.
And if 90 days feels like an eternity? Todd’s not phased.
“It’s just three months,” he laughs. “Less than a football season. If you’re serious about having a relationship that honors God and protects your heart, that’s not too much to ask.”
Boundaries Aren’t Buzzkills — They’re Blessings
Of course, slowing things down doesn’t mean putting your head in the sand. Todd is very aware that relationships come with physical temptations, emotional baggage and, if we’re being honest, bad habits. That’s why his second dating tip is all about setting boundaries — early and clearly.
“No matter how old or mature you think you are, if you want a pure relationship, you’ve got to agree on boundaries,” Todd says. “That’s not legalistic. That’s wisdom.”
He encourages couples to have real conversations upfront: What’s your physical line? What’s off-limits for texting or flirting? Is there a curfew? Should you avoid watching steamy movies together or lying down in vulnerable situations?
These decisions may seem overly cautious to some, but Todd is adamant that they actually lead to freedom, not restriction.
“When you put guardrails on your relationship, it’s not because you’re scared,” he explains. “It’s because you’re trying to get somewhere on purpose — and without crashing on the way.”
Talk About the Hard Stuff (Yes, Even the Scary Parts)
It’s easy to fall for someone’s potential. But Todd’s final tip is to focus on patterns — the stuff that shows up again and again. The little red flags we like to ignore? He wants you to name them, out loud, before they wreck you later.
One way to do that? Ask each other: What are your biggest fears in a relationship?
It’s vulnerable. It’s awkward. But it’s worth it.
“Maybe it’s the fear of being pressured physically. Maybe it’s the fear of being lied to or not being treated like you’re valuable,” Todd says. “Whatever it is — put it on the table. It builds trust. It lets you protect each other’s hearts. And it gives you accountability.”
He recommends doing this check-in at both the beginning and end of the 90 days. Sit down with a trusted married couple — people who can speak into your relationship with wisdom, prayer and objectivity. They’ll help you discern if this relationship is something to move forward with… or walk away from.
“It’s like an on-ramp and an off-ramp,” he says. “You can exit with clarity, not chaos.”
Real Talk: It’s Not About Being Perfect — It’s About Being Intentional
Todd isn’t promising a perfect formula. Life and love are still messy. People make mistakes. Feelings get hurt. But the point of the 90-Day Rule isn’t to control your relationship — it’s to clarify it.
“When you date on purpose, you don’t just protect your body,” he says. “You protect your heart, your future, your calling. And that changes everything.”
And even if things don’t work out, Todd says that doesn’t mean the relationship was a failure. If anything, it was practice — practice that didn’t end in soul ties or spiritual confusion.
“You learned about yourself. You got some new tools. And you didn’t trash your heart in the process,” he says. “That’s a win.”
So whether you’re tired of the dating apps, burned out by church flirting that goes nowhere or just ready for something deeper, Mike Todd’s 90-day challenge might be worth trying. Slow down. Set boundaries. Ask the hard questions. You don’t have to fall in love in a weekend or get married by next spring. You just have to be intentional and trust God with the rest.
