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The Newsboys Lawsuit Will End Our Long National Nightmare of Confusing Them With New Boyz

In what is looking to be the trial of the century, the Newsboys—a Christian rock band mostly known for spinning drum kits and breakfast—are suing the New Boyz—a rap duo not particularly known for anything—over similar sounding names. Sounds pretty airtight, Your Honor, but let’s make sure we’ve got all the facts straight. The Newsboys are claiming that the New Boyz’ name has led to “several instances of actual confusion” among fans who come to the Newsboys looking for breakfast songs and instead find music with lyrics “that are sexually explicit in content.” Seems legit. But surely Newsboys fans will be able to tell the difference between a Christian rock band and a rap duo. Isn’t that right, famed Christian music producer, Eric Copeland?

Newsboys are trying to sound more secular, so they can stay current-sounding. The whole thing about contemporary Christian music is that we’re trying to bring the message of Christ through a secular sound, so I can see their concern for being mistaken for a wholly different kind of secular music.

Hmmmm. Suspicious. Secular sounds. A band trying to stay current-sounding. A rap duo riding the Newsboys’ wave to fame. The Newsboys seeking compensation for profits lost over the past few years of legal confusion. A legal battle for our times. The fate of the world in the balance. Whose side are you on? …

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