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Science Redeems Itself

Science has gotten a bad rap lately. First came the news that Jurassic Park was totally unrealistic. Then, we found out that our new home planet would take four lightyears to reach. But, with one little invention, scientists have redeemed their profession and won the unending adulation of all: a breath strip that instantly heals burns on the roof of your mouth. It’s true. Now, you can enjoy coffee, pizza and soup the whole way through, regardless of whether or not you had the patience to wait just a few seconds to let it cool down. Your mouth is an invincible fortress where all tasty firestorms may take refuge without damaging the structural integrity of the castle. Thanks, scientists, for creating what is easily the greatest invention of all time. Oh, “lightbulbs,” you argue? Can your precious lightbulbs make you a superhero of pizza eating?

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