If you think you’ve outgrown the cafeteria cliques of high school, think again. The dynamics may have matured, but the instinct is the same: we gravitate toward people who look like us, think like us and live like us. Whether it’s the group chat, the church small group or the brunch crew, most of us surround ourselves with people who feel familiar.
But familiarity isn’t the same as depth.
Take a look at your closest relationships. If everyone in your life shares your background, stage of life and perspective, it might be time to rethink what growth actually looks like—and who might help you get there. Shared playlists and personality tests can spark a connection, but the friendships that shape us most tend to come from a wider table.
Here are five kinds of people who can stretch you, ground you and deepen your understanding of what it means to love well.
1. Someone Who’s Been Around the Block
Having someone a few steps ahead of you—professionally, spiritually, emotionally—can be a game changer. Not a guru or a hero, but someone whose life you respect and whose character challenges you.
Mentorship isn’t about finding someone with a flawless track record. It’s about proximity to wisdom. If there’s someone in your life who embodies the kind of patience, contentment or spiritual depth you want more of, ask them to grab coffee. The best mentor relationships are built on mutual honesty, not formality.
2. Someone You’re Investing In
On the flip side, having someone who looks up to you—whether they’re younger or just newer to a stage of life—can push you to live with more intentionality.
Psychologist Erik Erikson called this “generativity”—the idea that we find purpose in helping others grow. Being a mentor doesn’t mean having it all figured out. It means being present, being real and being willing to let your story help shape someone else’s.
3. Someone From a Different Culture
If your closest friends all grew up watching the same shows, celebrating the same holidays and eating the same food, you might be missing out on a bigger picture of the world—and of God.
Cross-cultural friendships expand our empathy and challenge our assumptions. They push us beyond our defaults and help us see the world—and our faith—with fresh eyes. They also create space for honest conversations about race, tradition, belonging and identity.
Writer Deidra Riggs formed a group of friends committed to that kind of intentional community. They call themselves ICU—short for Increasing Cultural Understanding, but also “intensive care unit” and “I see you.” That’s the goal: not just diversity, but dignity.
4. Someone Who Sees the World Differently
If all your conversations end in agreement, you might be playing it too safe. Healthy friendships don’t require identical worldviews. In fact, some of the most formative relationships are the ones that challenge your assumptions.
Whether it’s politics, theology or lifestyle, staying in a feedback loop of your own opinions doesn’t lead to growth. Having a trusted friend who disagrees with you—and still loves you—can deepen your perspective and sharpen your convictions.
Episcopal writer David Henson believes everyone should have a friend who’s an atheist. “It is a reminder that morality isn’t confined to the realms of the religious and that humans don’t need faith to be good, moral agents in the world,” he says. “My friends who are atheists don’t just make me a better Christian, they make me a better human.”
5. Someone Who’s Already in Your Life
Not every meaningful friendship has to be a project. Sometimes, the best opportunities for connection are right in front of you.
Maybe it’s a neighbor, a barista or a fellow parent at soccer practice. Maybe it’s someone you see every week at church but haven’t really gotten to know. Don’t underestimate the power of proximity. Regular interaction can become real connection—if you’re willing to move past the small talk.
Diversifying your friendships isn’t about checking boxes or curating a more interesting life. It’s about becoming the kind of person who loves more fully. Jesus didn’t build his circle by finding people who matched his background or worldview. He invited people from every walk of life—and called it the Kingdom.
So maybe the goal isn’t to recreate your own echo chamber with different filters. Maybe it’s to build a community that actually reflects the heart of God.
