Christian singles are showing up to church, but they’re not showing up on each other’s calendars.
A study by Eido Research found that 63 percent of single women in church hadn’t been on a single date with another church member in the past two years. Not one date. In two years. And it’s not just a female problem—similar stories are coming from men, too.
It begs the question: Why isn’t anyone dating?
After gathering responses from hundreds of Christian singles for the #TheDatingScene blog series, I started to see some patterns emerge. The comments were honest, funny, frustrated and even a little heartbreaking. But they all pointed to the same conclusion: there’s something broken in the way Christians are approaching dating—and it’s keeping people lonely.
Here are five of the biggest reasons why Christian dating is on pause.
1. Unrealistic Expectations
Let’s be real: some Christians are out here dating like they’re casting for The Bachelor: Kingdom Edition. According to survey responses, many singles are holding out for a partner who checks every spiritual, physical and emotional box—someone who’s simultaneously prayerful, ripped, hilarious, debt-free and perfectly emotionally available.
Men are looking for a Proverbs 31 woman with model energy. Women are hoping for a guy who’s equal parts Jesus, Timothée Chalamet and a therapist.
The problem? That person doesn’t exist. (And if they do, they’re probably already taken.)
Having standards is healthy. But if “not settling” becomes an excuse to write off everyone who doesn’t fit your personal rom-com fantasy, you might be confusing preferences with dealbreakers. There’s a difference between pursuing character and chasing perfection. One leads to connection. The other keeps you single and scrolling.
2. No One’s Doing the Asking
The fear of rejection is real—and it’s practically contagious. When asked why they’re not dating, many Christian singles admitted they’re not initiating dates at all. They’re not asking or being asked. Everyone’s waiting for someone else to make the first move.
And what does that lead to? No dates—for anyone.
Recent research from DatePsychology found that 45 percent of men ages 18 to 25 have never asked a woman out in person. Instead, most are relying on dating apps, DMs or other forms of digital communication to make a move. While tech can be a helpful tool, it’s also created a generation that’s more comfortable sliding into inboxes than starting a conversation in real life.
Combine that with the pressure to avoid awkwardness or rejection, and you’ve got a recipe for complete inaction. The result? A lot of singles feeling stuck and unseen—not because they’re not interested, but because no one’s taking the risk.
It’s easy to get paralyzed by what-ifs: What if it’s awkward? What if I misread the signals? What if I ruin a friendship? But the reality is, most of the risk is in your head. Asking someone to coffee isn’t a marriage proposal—it’s just a chance to see if there’s a connection.
3. They Can’t Find Each Other
Even if someone wanted to ask someone out, there’s a good chance they don’t know who to ask.
Many churches simply aren’t creating spaces for single adults to meet each other. There are small groups for students, newlyweds, parents and empty nesters—but single people in their mid-20s to late 30s often find themselves floating around without a clear place to land.
That leaves Christian singles cobbling together social circles through online dating, Instagram DMs and awkward after-church coffee chats. The desire for connection is there, but the structure to support it? Not so much.
This isn’t about turning churches into speed-dating hubs—but creating real community where friendships, and potentially relationships, can actually form. Church leaders, take note: single adults aren’t a footnote in your congregation. They’re a core part of it. Treat them like it.
4. Women Have Been Taught Not to Initiate
Another roadblock? Some women shared that they’ve been explicitly taught not to make the first move. The message has been loud and clear: “A godly woman waits to be pursued.”
That sounds noble on the surface. But in practice, it leaves women passive, frustrated and wondering if they’re allowed to do anything but sit back and smile.
Meanwhile, men are feeling the weight of being the sole initiators, which—when paired with that aforementioned fear of rejection—often results in total inaction. Nobody’s moving, and nobody’s connecting.
But healthy relationships are built on mutual initiative. If you’re interested in someone, it’s OK to express that—regardless of your gender. Taking the first step doesn’t make you desperate. It makes you brave.
5. Dating Feels Too Heavy
Maybe the biggest issue of all? Christians take dating way too seriously.
Decades after purity culture and books like I Kissed Dating Goodbye, there’s still a lingering belief that dating should be hyper-intentional, deeply spiritual and aimed directly at marriage. No detours. No casual coffee meetups. Just high-stakes romantic discernment from date one.
That mindset turns even the idea of going on a date into a pressure cooker. People overthink. They freeze up. They ghost.
But dating isn’t a covenant. It’s not a lifelong commitment. It’s a conversation. A cup of coffee. A chance to get to know someone better.
Lightening up doesn’t mean lowering your standards. It just means taking the pressure off and letting people be human in the process.
At the end of the day, Christian dating doesn’t need to be this complicated. But something’s got to shift.
The Church needs to stop sidelining single adults. Singles need to stop ghosting each other out of fear. And we all need to start seeing dating not as a make-or-break moral test, but as what it actually is: a healthy, human step toward connection.
Let’s keep talking about it. Let’s get honest. Because the more we name what’s broken, the more hope we have for something real to grow in its place.
