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Letting Go

Letting Go

Sometimes you just have to let go. When you hold on too tightly it nearly, if not entirely drives you to the point of insanity.

I’ve found this to apply to all areas of my life. Letting go doesn’t mean giving up or forgetting. It just means releasing your grip, yielding control.

I can’t control things. I can’t control the grade I got on a paper that I felt was graded unjustly.

I can’t control the feelings and biases of others.

I can’t control love.

I can’t control death.

I’ve found that in my life, I’ve held too tightly. I have striven for perfection and foolishly become disheartened to the point of paralysis in the times I have failed.

And I have failed miserably at times, mostly at accepting grace.

Grace is a hard thing, particularly the grace that comes from Jesus Christ.

I sin. And when I sin I feel so bad that I send myself the almost subconscious message that God cannot love me. A friend of mine put it best when stated: “Ash, I feel like I’m God’s bad little kid.” I know I am a child of God, that he has accepted me into his family. At times I feel like I’m definitely the bad one, that God is continually disappointed and is giving me the silent treatment.

The thing is, he’s not as far off as I make him. It’s just about surrender. The heart of my issue is that I am not accepting the fact that the blood of Jesus was sufficient to cover all of my sin, and when the guilt I feel over my sin paralyzes me, it is certainly not from Him. It is buying into the lie that the sacrifice Christ made was not enough.

That sickens me.

So I have to let go. Let go of my belief that I can be perfect in my own strength. Let go of the idea that I’ll never be good enough. I am loved by God, and His love is perfect. Who am I to reject such an unfathomable gift?

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