Sometimes you just have to let go. When you hold on too tightly it nearly, if not entirely drives you to the point of insanity.
Iâ€™ve found this to apply to all areas of my life. Letting go doesnâ€™t mean giving up or forgetting. It just means releasing your grip, yielding control.
I canâ€™t control things. I canâ€™t control the grade I got on a paper that I felt was graded unjustly.
I canâ€™t control the feelings and biases of others.
I canâ€™t control love.
I canâ€™t control death.
Iâ€™ve found that in my life, Iâ€™ve held too tightly. I have striven for perfection and foolishly become disheartened to the point of paralysis in the times I have failed.
And I have failed miserably at times, mostly at accepting grace.
Grace is a hard thing, particularly the grace that comes from Jesus Christ.
I sin. And when I sin I feel so bad that I send myself the almost subconscious message that God cannot love me. A friend of mine put it best when stated: â€œAsh, I feel like Iâ€™m Godâ€™s bad little kid.â€ I know I am a child of God, that he has accepted me into his family. At times I feel like Iâ€™m definitely the bad one, that God is continually disappointed and is giving me the silent treatment.
The thing is, heâ€™s not as far off as I make him. Itâ€™s just about surrender. The heart of my issue is that I am not accepting the fact that the blood of Jesus was sufficient to cover all of my sin, and when the guilt I feel over my sin paralyzes me, it is certainly not from Him. It is buying into the lie that the sacrifice Christ made was not enough.
That sickens me.
So I have to let go. Let go of my belief that I can be perfect in my own strength. Let go of the idea that Iâ€™ll never be good enough. I am loved by God, and His love is perfect. Who am I to reject such an unfathomable gift?