10 Christian Knock-Off Products That Really Existed

Christians have a long history of creating knockoff products that mirror secular trends but add a spiritual twist. The thinking seems to be that believers should have their own version of everything, from games to workout videos, without sacrificing their faith—or, perhaps, their sense of humor. So buckle up for a trip down memory lane as we explore 10 of the most memorable Christian knockoff products that, yes, actually existed.

1. Bibleman Video Game

Ah, Bibleman. The Christian superhero no one really asked for but, somehow, got anyway. The video game was the next logical step after the TV show, comics, and action figures (more on those later). Instead of battling villains like Bowser or Dr. Eggman, you’re fighting the Forces of Darkness with scripture verses as your power-ups. Imagine *Super Mario* but with less jumping and more Bible memorization.

2. Bible Trading Cards

Who needs Pokémon or baseball trading cards when you can collect cards featuring Moses, Esther and Lot? Bible trading cards allowed you to learn about biblical heroes in a way that’s… somehow less exciting than reading the actual Bible. The cards came with stats like “faith,” “courage” and “obedience,” because when you’re facing Goliath, you need those stats maxed out. Kids may have pretended to enjoy these, but we all know they were still sneaking Pokémon battles at youth group.

3. Bibleopoly

Just when you thought Monopoly couldn’t be made more frustrating, along comes Bibleopoly. Instead of buying properties like Boardwalk and Park Place, players invest in biblical cities like Jerusalem and Jericho. You don’t build hotels; you build churches. The goal isn’t to bankrupt your opponents but to build a church in every city. It was marketed as a “kinder, gentler Monopoly” where no one really wins—but you kind of wish it would just end already.

4. Ten Plagues of Egypt Toys

In one of the more questionable Christian product ideas, someone thought it would be a great idea to turn the Ten Plagues of Egypt into a toy set. Who wouldn’t want to re-enact a plague of frogs or locusts for fun? Each plague came with its own figure—frogs, locusts, even boils. It’s the kind of gift you get for your friend’s kids when you’re feeling a little passive-aggressive. “Here, little Timmy, enjoy a toy representing death and destruction from the Old Testament!”

5. Testamints

Need to freshen your breath and your soul at the same time? Testamints were your solution. Each mint wrapper featured a Bible verse, because who doesn’t want a little scripture with their peppermint? It was the ultimate Christian breath mint, perfect for popping right before church or a first date with a fellow believer. These mints came with the promise of fresh breath and the power of the Word, though it’s unclear which was more effective.

6. Praise Workout Video

In the 80s and 90s, workout videos were all the rage, so of course the Christian market had to get in on it. Praise workout videos allowed you to burn calories while burning with the Holy Spirit—at least, we think that’s what the goal was. Instead of top 40 hits, you’d be stretching and sweating to contemporary Christian music. The exercises had names like “Heavenly Stretch” and “Praise Squat,” because why just work on your physical fitness when you can tone your spiritual muscles at the same time?

7. Jesus Action Figures

Move over, G.I. Joe. Here comes Jesus, fully poseable with movable arms to perform blessings and maybe a miracle or two. Sold alongside figures of Moses, Mary and the apostles, Jesus action figures were a Sunday school favorite. Of course, He came dressed in His classic robe and sandals combo, and some versions even had glow-in-the-dark features. Kids could reenact their favorite Bible stories—or at least whatever their imagination could cook up with plastic apostles.

8. Armor of God PJs

Who says bedtime can’t be a lesson in spiritual warfare? The Armor of God PJs gave kids the chance to literally put on the armor of God, complete with a shield of faith, belt of truth, and breastplate of righteousness, all printed onto their pajamas. It’s an adorable way to remind children that life is a battle and they need to be spiritually suited up—even while they’re sleeping. Whether it helped with actual nightmares is up for debate. Although by the look on these kids’ faces, we’re pretty sure it actually caused a few nightmares.

9. Christian Parody T-Shirts

We will never let go of these trademark-skirting parody T-shirts. Because why would we settle for a classic brand logo when you could have its holy equivalent? Ever seen the “God’s Gym” tee, featuring Jesus doing a push-up with the cross on His back? Or the “Abreadcrumb & Fish” shirt, a clever reimagining of a popular clothing brand? Wearing one of these shirts was like making a statement that you loved both Jesus and 90s mall culture.

10. Scrabble: Bible Edition

As if Bibleopoly weren’t enough, someone decided to take it a step further and create Scrabble: Bible Edition. To be fair, there’s clearly a lot of Bible Edition products out there, but this one is kind of the peak of scamming. Because the only thing Bible-related about this game is that it replaces the double and triple-letter score icons with religious images which turn out to mean… double and triple-letter score. You can still spell out any word you want, Bible-related or not. Plus, it has the tagline “every word’s a winner,” which is not only the most non-competitive description for a game, it’s also… not theologically sound.

It’s clear that Christian knockoff products are proof that if there’s a trend in the secular world, someone, somewhere will slap a Bible verse on it and market it to the faithful. These products aimed to give Christians their own space in a world filled with secular distractions. Did they succeed? Well, they certainly existed. Whether they’re hilarious or cringe-worthy depends on who you ask, but one thing’s for sure: the Christian consumerism machine is as creative as it is devout.