Easter is about resurrection, renewal and — for reasons no one can explain — neon marshmallow animals. And while we’re not saying candy is the main event of the weekend, we are saying the post-service spread matters. So in the spirit of serious cultural discourse, we’ve ranked the most iconic Easter treats from least to most holy. Feel free to disagree, but just know: we’re right.
- Anything Sugar-Free
It’s Easter. We’re celebrating a miracle, not enduring a punishment. This isn’t the season for erythritol and emotional damage. - Whoppers Robin Eggs
Pretty on the outside, confused on the inside. One bite in and you remember: oh yeah, malt balls are mid. The crunchy coating tries to trick you into thinking this is exciting. It’s not. - Foil-wrapped generic chocolate eggs
The official candy of doctor’s office reception desks and church nursery bribes. The foil clings like guilt, the chocolate tastes like candle wax, and yet — somehow — they still show up every year. - Chocolate-covered marshmallow eggs
Perfectly acceptable. Deeply unmemorable. These are the candy version of small talk with extended family. Polite, sweet and ultimately forgettable. - Peeps
An annual mystery. Are they actually food? Are they just performance art? If you’ve eaten more than one in the last five years, we hope you’re OK. But they do look phenomenal in a group photo. - Cadbury Creme Eggs
The most divisive candy on this list. Is it a rich, nostalgic treat or a fondant-filled fever dream? Depends on how much sleep you’ve had. Bonus points for having its own deeply weird commercial legacy. - Hollow chocolate bunny
Visually iconic. Practically a mess. The ears are the prime real estate, everything after that is chaos. But there’s something sacred about whacking it on the counter like a liturgical tradition. - Jelly beans (specifically the Starburst kind)
Let’s not play games: The Starburst jelly bean is carrying the entire jelly bean category on its artificially flavored back. All others are just seasonal filler. These are actual joy in bean form. - Cadbury Mini Eggs
Refined. Balanced. Perfectly pastel. These are the adult Easter candy — mature in taste, childlike in volume consumption. You buy one bag “for the kids,” then eat it alone in your car. - Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs
This is it. The alpha and the omega of Easter candy. The ratio of peanut butter to chocolate is flawless. It’s somehow better than every other Reese’s product. A modern miracle. Honestly, the Easter Bunny could retire after this one and we’d understand.
Your basket may be temporary. Your sugar rush may be fleeting. But this ranking? Eternal.
