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Coca-Cola to Release Fruitless ‘FruitWater’

Hey America! You know what’s super healthy? Water! You know what’s even more healthy? Fruit! Put those two things together, and what do you get? The newest product from health-conscious beverage-maker Coca-Cola, FruitWater! Please ignore the “fact” that FruitWater contains no actual “fruit”, because who needs real fruit when you’ve got even more delicious alternatives like Splenda? That’s right an artificial sweetener that tastes like sugar, but sounds like the word splendid! Yumm! Starting April 1, Coca-Cola will introduce its new line of carbonated fruit drinks, so remember don’t be an April fool and drink bottles of “water” or waste time consuming actual “fruit” “grown naturally”; instead, start your spring with the best of both worlds, FruitWater …

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