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Dastardly Cookie Thief Demands Cookies for All Sick Children

Dastardly Cookie Thief Demands Cookies for All Sick Children

A German man known as Krümel Monster (Cookie Monster) has pulled off the perfect crime: swiping an iconic, 44-lb. golden cookie from the headquarters of the Bahlsen, a world-famous biscuit-maker. Authorities were confounded. Bahlsen was outraged, offering over a thousand dollars for information leading to the crook’s capture. And yesterday, a ransom note showed up at a local media outlet. It was a picture of the Krümel Monster himself, taking a bite out of the beloved cookie. “I have the biscuit!” the dastardly note claimed. “You want it and therefore you want on one day in February, to give biscuits to all the children in Bult hospital. But those with milk chocolate, not those with dark chocolate and not those without chocolate. And a golden biscuit for the child cancer ward.” Fortunately, Bahlsen does not negotiate with terrorists and is standing its ground, maintaining that it has “already done a lot” for the children’s hospital and that the company “doesn’t need to be coerced in this way.” It’s heartening to see that sort of courage in the face of such wreckless hate. The showdown begins …

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