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Everyone’s Freaking Out About This Package of Human Heads at O’Hare

O’Hare International Airport in Chicago intercepted a package with 18 severed human heads on Monday, and everybody just started freaking out like they’ve never seen a head before. Oh, brother. “Everybody here is ‘Oh my gosh, you got a box of heads,'” says Brian Bell, Department of Homeland Security spokesman, “and everybody thinks that it’s unheard of.” Yeah. Seriously. What is it with you people? If it’s not one thing, it’s another. The Chicago Sun-Times, which insists on reporting this totally-not-that-big-of-a-deal story, says that the heads are “still covered in skin.” Bet everybody’s going to go ballistic about that, too. What else would they be covered in? They’re heads. It’s called “normal.” Look it up. If you want to get another quote, Sun Times, try calling Homeland Security’s spokesman at 1-800-C-H-I-L-L-O-U-T …

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