If you’ve been in church for longer than 30 minutes, you know Christians disagree about a lot. Worship styles. Coffee in the sanctuary. Whether the singles ministry is actually helping people connect or just a holding pen for emotional damage. The real fun begins, though, when you hit a doctrinal disagreement.
Now you’re not just choosing a different vibe — you’re wrestling with what you actually believe about God. And if your church is teaching something that feels a little… off, it can make you wonder whether you’re in the right place at all.
The good news is that you’re not the first person to feel this way. Disagreement is baked into the history of the Church. But before you decide to dramatically leave in the middle of the third worship song, take a beat. There’s more nuance here than you might think.
1. Start with Scripture not feelings
One of the defining traits of the Christian faith is that it actually encourages you to test what you hear — even if it’s coming from someone with a seminary degree and a well-manicured goatee. As 1 John 4 says, “Test the spirits.” Which is Bible-speak for: don’t just take someone’s word for it.
If something in a sermon makes you squint a little, open your Bible. Look at what Scripture actually says not what you think it says based on a verse you heard once in youth group or a TikTok explainer.
2. Ask: Is it really them — or is it me?
Sometimes you’re bothered by a teaching because it’s unbiblical. Other times it just hits a little too close to home.
It’s worth asking yourself: Am I uncomfortable because this is wrong or because it’s true and inconvenient? That’s not shade — it’s just a good spiritual gut-check.
“Disagreement should push you to search more,” says Jonathan Malm, author of The Hidden Option. “If it causes you to get red-faced and combative, you’re doing it wrong.”
A little humility goes a long way here. And spoiler alert: disagreeing with your church doesn’t automatically make you right. But it might make you more thoughtful.
3. Some disagreement might actually help your faith
Believe it or not, sticking around at a church where you don’t agree on everything might actually be a sign of spiritual maturity.
Malm spent four years at a church that taught something he deeply disagreed with: that God shows love differently to everyone.
“While it didn’t convince us of our pastor’s stance, it showed us a unique perspective on God,” he says. “We got a bigger picture of how amazing the concept of grace actually is.”
In other words, disagreement can expand your view of God — not just shrink your view of others.
4. If you confront it, check your heart first
So let’s say it’s not just a minor issue. You’re feeling led to speak up. Go for it — just don’t do it like a spiritual wrecking ball.
“Your pastor should love God, earnestly search Scriptures and display the Fruit of the Spirit,” Malm says.
If they’re doing that, they might be open to a gracious conversation. If they’re not, you may have bigger issues than theological footnotes.
But the point of raising concern shouldn’t be to prove you’re right. It should be to protect the integrity of your community. If you’re coming in hot just looking for a win, maybe sit with it longer. The truth should be spoken either in love or not at all.
5. Essentials vs. everything else
Not every disagreement is a deal-breaker. There’s a difference between bad teaching and different interpretation. Between heresy and nuance.
As Malm puts it, “Though we didn’t see eye-to-eye on theology, we were arm-in-arm as fellow believers.”
That’s the kind of church culture worth aiming for — where disagreement doesn’t equal division and curiosity isn’t mistaken for rebellion.
“You don’t have to agree with your pastors on everything,” he adds. “Essentials matter. But on the nonessentials you can still support their vision for what God has called them to do.”
In other words, not everything is a hill worth dying on, but some things are worth digging into.
You’re allowed to ask questions. You’re allowed to wrestle. You’re even allowed to stay somewhere you don’t fully agree with, as long as the core of the Gospel is intact and the fruit of the Spirit is present. That kind of tension doesn’t make you a bad Christian. It makes you a thoughtful one.
