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This Won’t End Well: Massive Pythons to Be Released Back Into the Wild

You may remember a few weeks back when officials in Florida announced an organized python hunt, in which cash prizes would be awarded for helping to round up some of the hundreds of thousands of massive snakes that are destroying the Everglades’ ecosystem. The Burmese pythons aren’t native to the area and have no natural predators. The population is believed to have started after some pets were released into the wild. Well, the hunt has concluded, and the total number of pythons bagged is a whopping 68. But now researchers have a new idea. They’re going to put tracking devices on the biggest pythons and release them back into the wild. This can only end with one of two possible outcomes: 1) The tagged pythons slither back to their secret python lair, unknowingly leading officials directly to the source of the infestation, or 2) The elusive swamp killers quickly ditch the tracking devices and immediately warn others about the hunt, setting the stage for a horrific man-vs.-python apocalyptic showdown. Though we’re pulling for the scenario involving the secret python lair, we’re giving both a 50/50 chance right now …

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