Everyone know’s the saying, “Be careful what you ask for–you just might get it.” Never is this more true than when it comes to God. Have you ever asked for anything from God? I made the mistake of asking for several things all at the same time from God and He decided to start giving them to me all at once. I asked for wisdom, understanding, discretion, patience, faith and strength. Then my life began falling apart. As I told one friend, I felt as if I were an old dead stick. You know, the kind that snaps easily under any kind of pressure. Yeah, that was me. God picked me up off the ground and started bending me. I’m still not sure whether or not God will snap me in half before I will completely learn my lesson.
I’ve always had a life plan. It has changed several times over the course of my life, but nevertheless I’ve had a plan. For quite a while, before I went to college, I had everything figured out. I was going to be an airline pilot and make gobs and gobs of money. When I left home after high school, I pretty much knew exactly how my life was going to turn out. One military deployment, two universities, three majors, and four and a half years later, I graduated with a degree in Computer Information Systems. So maybe I didn’t exactly have everything figured out at first, but at least I had finally graduated with a degree that would land me a well-paying job in a steady career field. Or perhaps not–it seems that even after all of that, God still has other things in mind for me.
During my last semester of college, God began to work in me like never before. I feel as if I’ve been wrestling with God ever since. It’s as if He broke my hip long ago, yet in my own futile stubbornness, I continue to wrestle with Him. After all this time, however, I think I have finally reached the point where I am willing to give up and let God take over my life. It may not seem like I’ve ever had things figured out, but one thing I did learn is that having everything figured out isn’t what I’m supposed to be doing in the first place. It’s definitely not a bad idea to plan for the future, but I should be relying on God and not my own plans, no matter how great my plans seem to be.
I don’t have a plan anymore. I have no clue what I’m going to do with my life. I have no clue what I’m going to do after this summer. I have no clue what will happen this summer. But for the first time I’ve reached the point where it doesn’t matter. I’m confident that whatever happens, God will use my life for His glory and that’s all that matters. It still scares me not knowing what the future will bring, but I’m thankful I’ve made it this far.
Right now I feel as if I am in the middle of an extended hiatus in my life. With no plan up my sleeve, I’m learning to truly and completely trust God for the first time in my life. Peter stepped out of the boat on faith and walked on the water towards Jesus. For so long I was willing to "step out on faith" and pursue my own plans. Now that I have finally been given a hint of what faith really means, I have discovered that God wants me to have faith not to step out, but to merely wait and rely on Him.
Now I am taking my life one day at a time. Once I was willing to let go, God began showing me many wondrous things that I could never see before when I was so focused on my own plans. He has shown me the value of showing His love to others. In turn I have discovered how I can, in my limited capacity, have love for God Himself, which is so much more than just saying “I love You, God.” I have finally begun to genuinely appreciate God, His Creation, my friends, my family and all the little things in between: like popping bubble wrap and lying on the hood of my car for hours talking and watching the stars shine between the clouds.
He continues working in my life to this day and it’s as painful and frustrating as ever. I am still waiting on Him right now and I have no idea what the future holds. But I can’t wait to find out, but in the meantime I’m learning to appreciate everything in my life: from the friendships I’d overlooked to taking walks in the rain and simply enjoying the coolness of the drops as they run down my face.
[Bryan is 22 year-old self-proclaimed professional slacker who still has no idea what he’s going to do with the rest of his life, but not knowing doesn’t bother him anymore.]
