I am the king of excuses
I’ve got one for every selfish thing I do
What’s going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I’m still a man in need of a Savior
-dc Talk, In The Light
I hate that I excuse my spiritual shortcomings. I often say I’m too busy, but then when I have the time, I don’t give much thought to the Lord. I watch TV or veg out on the computer. What has become of me that I can so easily put off the God of heaven and earth, who loves me more than anything and just wants me to love Him back? It sickens me. When I watched The Passion, I saw the love God has for me in a way I had never seen it before. And so quickly I forgot that love, and I took advantage of it.
My most hated excuse is that God will forgive me.
That’s like punching your best friend in the face, knowing he would forgive you later. I wouldn’t do that to my best friend or even an acquaintance. So why do I do it to God who loves me more than anyone? Over and over, I punch God in the face with my sin. I sin by what I do and what I do not do. I sin with my words and actions and then sin more by not following the greatest commandment of all, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind, and with all your soul." I put God off like a dog begging for attention. And you know what? He takes it. He takes it and stands there to take it some more. Why? Because His love never fails. That doesn’t mean He isn’t standing there crying, wishing I could be by His side again, wishing I would draw close to Him so He could draw close to me. And I despise myself for doing this to my Savior; and in the end, I lose. It’s all selfishness, really. I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it, and often that doesn’t include God.
And I lose, because ultimately, everything but God is unfulfilling.
There’s a C.S. Lewis quote that goes something like, "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and lust and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to keep on making mud-pie in the slums because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a vacation at the beach." If I really wanted to be happy, I would seek God. Oh, but God is abstract! It takes effort to reach God. So I settle for weak amusements that require no effort. Don’t I know that nothing good comes in life without effort?
So I make my excuses, one by one, and excuse myself from all the joy God has for me.
Thankfully, God is love, and the Bible says love keeps no record of wrongdoing. God never leaves me; I walk away from Him, and when I turn back He is still right there where I left Him … waiting … patiently … for me to run into His arms.
[Erik is a student at NC State University in Raleigh, NC. He’s studying business and Spanish, but he really has no clue what he wants to do. In the meantime, he’s working a marketing job and enjoys God, music, reading and getting outdoors.]
