What am I called to do? The question hounds us all, or at least me, as to what I am to do with the approximate 80 years of my life. Before you pull that sadistic grin, you just heard the heart of a 23 year old greatly desiring to be nothing more and nothing less than a complete living sacrifice to our Heavenly Father. A recent graduate with a bachelors’ degree I find myself in constant contemplation. Is this all there is? What of all my great expectations? It appears as if everyone around me feels fully secure and confident in precisely their occupation. I am currently not that man. Longing far beyond the joy of knowing God I delve into a deeper desiring, a supernatural premonition. God has called me to do something, which I believe is something specific.
However, in the middle of my thoughts I fall into the trap of what has unfortunately become American culture, to be something big. I lose sight of what God wants to do. I grapple with the temptation of pursuing to become popular or a part of a revolutionizing movement. Thoughts of greatness corrupt what the Holy Spirit would choose to do at this time. While I feel like a wandering soul captured in the world, God is doing what He does best: building character and a lasting relationship between whom He is and who I am.
The truth is there is a good deal of my unsanctified heart that despises character building. Phrases such as “Do not be wary of well doing,” “God is in control,” and “You are not alone,” have all become clichés to me. You see there are still those parts that absolutely hate surrender. My passion for God meets the poison of which we were all born with, pride. Pride is not fought with simply prayer but with the vengeance of discipline. Discipline being one of the key characteristics of God’s character building process.
Another fantastic cliché is “hindsight is 20/20.” While I do agree, more belongs to a soul who has kept their eyes on the Lord. Remember Christ dealt with 30 years of life before He ever began His earthly ministry. We put our hope in a man who would shred our current culture to pieces. Jesus would be absolved in the smallness of ministry, knowing full well the difficulty of shepherding 20 members than 20,000. He knew the work He had to do with the 12, placing His entire ministry in their hands, compared to the rewriting of the Law He did for the crowd on the mount.
I am persuaded by Scripture that God, the incarnate Son and the Holy Spirit, do not put incredible stock into profession, but rather the pursuit of perfection. Some of the disciples were fishermen and they did not toil with some “calling”, because God divinely had purpose behind their profession. Jesus doesn’t emphasize the nature of your job but the nature of your heart.
If you feel like you are stumbling through life working a mundane job and life isn’t what you hoped it would be. Perhaps attending graduate studies is not nearly as fulfilling as you had hoped. You felt a calling for something when you were younger and wrestle with the fact it hasn’t come to pass. Wrestling is good; it gives a foundation to your hope. I confirm that God is building you into the person to fulfill that calling.