If humility is so important, how come you don’t hear more about it?
First, because humble people by definition aren’t going to walk around proclaiming their humility. Second, because many people are a little nervous about it. They don’t fully understand what true humility is, and they’re unsure if it will help them or harm them.
Let me share several common myths or misconceptions that actually harm the pursuit of humility rather than helping it.
Myth #1: Humility means submitting to humiliation.
Humility is a character quality, and it’s a positive. Humiliation is an experience or emotion of being shamed, which is very much a negative. You don’t have to humiliate yourself in order to be humble. Yes, the words sound alike, but they are very different. Humility leads to honor while humiliation leads to shame. Humiliation is imposed upon you while humility is something you choose for yourself. In true humility, you always have autonomy over the process because it’s an inward attitude of the heart, and only you have that level of power.
Myth #2: Humility requires talking and thinking poorly about yourself.
Pride is thinking too highly of yourself, but that doesn’t mean humility is thinking too low of yourself. This isn’t about trading one extreme for another, but rather about seeing yourself accurately. Self-hatred is never the goal. That only does more harm than good, and it’s not even humility at all. It’s often a sign of false humility, which is really another form of pride.
Myth #3: Humility means not defending yourself.
Maybe you’ve been a victim of “weaponized humility”: when someone insisted that you be humble, but really they just wanted to control you or silence you. And if you spoke up in your defense or tried to tell them how they were hurting you, they told you that you were being prideful. That’s not humility; that’s oppression. You can be humble and still stand up for yourself. Humility just means you don’t have to defend yourself out of some need to boost your ego. You are secure enough to stay silent when needed, and you are secure enough to push back when the situation requires it.
Myth #4: Humility means never celebrating wins.
Maybe you’ve been told that humility means never acknowledging your accomplishments or striving to succeed. But someone inside you wants to build, to win, to improve— and to be proud of yourself for doing that. That’s okay. God put those desires in you. As long as ego hasn’t hijacked your inner drive, and as long as you keep love at the center, your competitive impulse, your desire to succeed, and your joy when you experience success are probably godly and good. True humility can be proud of itself. Those two things are not mutually exclusive.
Misconceptions such as these are why we often react to the term humility like we do to the words diet or exercise. We understand on a mental level that pride is bad and humility is good, but we think the pursuit of humility sounds terrible, like cutting out carbs and eating more vegetables, or like climbing on a treadmill for thirty agonizing minutes. But true humility is not miserable at all. It’s liberating. It builds your self-confidence, deepens your inner peace, and expands your heart for others. You know what is miserable? Pride. Pride will chew you up and spit you out. It will trip you up and then make fun of you for falling. It will leave you empty, embarrassed, and alone. Humility is what you want, my friend. And once you get a feel for what it can do for you, you’ll welcome it with open arms.
Humility is a perspective and a mindset, not a destination. It’s something you choose to adopt each day, in countless situations. You don’t arrive at humility—you live it out. So don’t get discouraged if you struggle with pride from time to time. We all do. But at the same time, don’t get complacent. Pride might hide for a time, but it’s like a zombie. It’s never quite dead, and it comes back at the worst possible times. You have to stay vigilant.
