At some point, every Christian gets roped into a small group. Maybe it’s the next logical step after showing up to church three Sundays in a row. Maybe a well-intentioned friend ambushed you with an invite and you panicked and said yes. Or maybe you’re actively looking for community because, well, life is weird and figuring it out alone isn’t working.
Whatever brought you there, you quickly realized that small groups—no matter the size, structure or snack selection—always feature the same five types of people. It’s practically a sociological inevitability. And before you assume that you’re just a neutral observer in this dynamic, think again. You’re one of them too.
So let’s get into it: Which one are you?
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The Over-Sharer
They were born for small group. Or at least, they think they were. While most people are easing into the evening with mild discussion about their week, The Over-Sharer has already cracked open their emotional vault and invited the group inside.
It starts innocently enough—“I’ve been struggling lately.” But before anyone can brace themselves, we’re knee-deep in a detailed account of their last breakup, the fallout with their dad and their existential crisis about whether they even belong in this city. There are tears. There are long pauses. There’s an unspoken understanding that we’re all in this together now.
We love The Over-Sharer because they make space for honesty. But sometimes, they take up so much space that no one else knows when—or if—they’re supposed to speak.
If you are The Over-Sharer, we see you, we appreciate your vulnerability and we gently suggest asking, “How is everyone else doing?” before we hit the 20-minute mark.
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The Question Dodger
Small group is not their natural habitat, and it shows. The Question Dodger has mastered the art of spiritual deflection.
“What’s something God’s been teaching you lately?”
“Oh man, great question. I’d love to hear from someone else first.”
They’ll nod along enthusiastically while others pour their hearts out, but when the spotlight turns on them, they panic, mumble something about “just trying to stay consistent in prayer” and immediately take a sip of whatever’s in front of them. If they’re lucky, time runs out before the conversation loops back. If they’re unlucky, the leader lovingly calls on them and they must invent a spiritual revelation on the spot.
The Question Dodger isn’t trying to be difficult—they just haven’t decided how much they’re actually willing to share. Small group is still a puzzle they’re piecing together.
If this is you, take a deep breath. No one is expecting a TED Talk. Just say something real, even if it’s small.
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The Bible Scholar
The Bible Scholar is, objectively, the most prepared person in the room. They didn’t just read the assigned passage—they cross-referenced it with two commentaries and the original Greek.
While the rest of the group is debating what Paul meant in a particular verse, The Bible Scholar is already flipping pages. They bring receipts. They cite theologians. They love a good footnote.
We need The Bible Scholar. They keep us from saying wildly unbiblical things and calling it theology. But sometimes, they forget that small group is less about winning debates and more about learning together.
If you are The Bible Scholar, congratulations on your vast biblical knowledge. Just remember that sometimes, people need space to wrestle with questions before you drop a fully formed theological thesis into the room.
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The Therapist Friend
Some people show up to small group looking for community. Others seem to have mistaken it for free therapy.
Enter The Therapist Friend, the kind-hearted listener who somehow becomes everyone’s emotional support human. They ask the right questions, validate feelings and exude a comforting “Tell me everything” energy. And because they are biologically incapable of leaving a heavy moment unprocessed, they will stay late after group, offering encouragement and unsolicited book recommendations.
The downside? They rarely get asked how they’re doing. Their role in the group is so defined by helping others that people forget they might need help too.
If you are The Therapist Friend, set some boundaries. And maybe—just maybe—let someone else give advice once in a while.
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The One Who Might Be Leaving
They show up sporadically, and every time they do, there’s an air of mystery. Are they just super busy? Are they slowly ghosting the group? Are they, at this very moment, contemplating a new church entirely? No one knows and they’re not saying.
This person is nice, polite and never fully commits. They contribute just enough to blend in, but if they disappeared tomorrow, we’d all pretend to be surprised while knowing, deep down, we saw it coming.
If this is you, be honest about what you want. If small group isn’t the right fit, that’s fine. Just don’t leave everyone wondering if you’re coming back next week.
The Truth Is, You’re Probably More Than One
No one fits neatly into a box. Some nights, you’re The Over-Sharer. Other nights, you’re The Question Dodger. Maybe you started as The One Who Might Be Leaving but somehow became The Bible Scholar. It happens.
The beauty of small group isn’t that everyone plays their part flawlessly—it’s that we all show up, in all our awkward, inconsistent, trying-our-best glory. And if we stick around long enough, we just might learn something.
So—who are you? And more importantly, will we see you next week?
