Forgiveness is weird.
It’s one of those things that sounds great in theory but feels absolutely impossible in practice. Like, sure, Jesus said to forgive seventy times seven, but that math gets real fuzzy when someone actually does you dirty. If you’ve ever tried to let something go and realized ten minutes later you’re still mentally drafting the perfect comeback, you know what I mean.
We like fairness. We like closure. We like justice. If someone hurts us, we want balance restored. And if we can’t get even, at the very least, we want them to feel bad about it. Holding a grudge feels like control—like proof that we’re not the weak ones here. But resentment isn’t actually justice. It’s just exhausting.
Here’s the thing: forgiveness isn’t about fairness. The Bible doesn’t treat it as a nice, optional virtue for overachievers—it’s a non-negotiable. Jesus didn’t say, “Forgive when you feel like it.” He just said, “Forgive.” Period.
And yeah, that can feel unfair. Especially when the person who wronged you isn’t sorry, or doesn’t even realize (or care) that they hurt you. It’s tempting to think withholding forgiveness gives us power. But spoiler: it doesn’t. The only person stuck in that bitterness loop is you.
Now, let’s be clear: forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened or letting people walk all over you. It doesn’t mean excusing toxic behavior or keeping unhealthy relationships intact. It just means choosing not to let that wound define you. It’s about releasing yourself from the emotional chokehold of resentment, not giving someone else a free pass.
And honestly? That’s hard. Grace is great when we’re on the receiving end, but extending it? Woof. That’s another story. Yet Jesus made it pretty clear—if we want to live in the freedom of grace, we have to extend it, too. Not because the other person deserves it, but because we don’t either. And somehow, God keeps forgiving us anyway.
But let’s be real—this isn’t some instant, magical feeling where you suddenly wake up one day, completely unbothered. Forgiveness is a process. Sometimes it takes time, space, therapy, or lots of ugly crying. It’s not about stuffing your feelings down; it’s about dealing with them in a way that actually leads to healing instead of just replaying the same mental revenge fantasy on a loop.
Some of the most powerful forgiveness stories in the Bible aren’t neat and tidy. Joseph forgave the brothers who literally sold him into slavery. Jesus forgave the people who nailed him to a cross. Stephen, while being stoned to death, asked God to forgive the guys throwing the rocks. These weren’t Hallmark movie moments. They were costly, gut-wrenching acts of grace.
But here’s the secret: forgiveness isn’t just about setting the other person free—it’s about setting yourself free. It’s about deciding that your peace matters more than your grudge. It’s about refusing to let bitterness shape your story.
That’s why Jesus tied forgiveness to prayer: “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” Not because God is stingy with grace, but because a heart full of bitterness doesn’t have much room left for grace. We can’t cling to both at the same time.
So what does this actually look like? Maybe it’s choosing not to replay the offense in your mind on a daily loop. Maybe it’s releasing the need for an apology you might never get. Maybe it’s setting some boundaries while also choosing to move forward without letting resentment be the loudest voice in your head.
And let’s be real—some people don’t deserve forgiveness. Some betrayals are so deep they feel unforgivable. But that’s the whole point: forgiveness isn’t about what’s fair. It’s about trusting that justice is in God’s hands, not ours.
If we only forgive when it’s easy, is it really forgiveness? Or just avoiding conflict? Real forgiveness is messy, uncomfortable, and sometimes downright infuriating. But it’s also freeing. It’s stepping out of the prison of bitterness and into a life where grace has the final say.
So maybe forgiveness isn’t about letting someone off the hook. Maybe it’s about letting yourself off the hook—so you can finally move forward.