"He who has God and everything else has no more than he who has God only," says C.S. Lewis in The Weight of Glory. Do I believe that? Do I believe an encounter with God is truly better than life itself? David prayed as if he believed it (Psalm 63) … but do I?
Do I truly agree it is a good thing for God to be more committed to my pleasure than to my pleasantness? Do I believe there is the possibility of a deeper joy than getting what I think I want at the moment? The possibility of a deeper pleasure than every dream I presently have coming true? The possibility of a deeper desire than for my life, as it is, to work well?
To be honest, I am not sure if I agree or not. I kind of like getting what I want. I am pretty partial to dreams coming true, and I am very committed to making my life work well. Sometimes I want a hamburger more than I want God. I am finding I am addicted to many lesser pleasures. But I want to move past these lesser things. I want to want God.
I don’t believe there is a sure-fire heavenly thermometer to test my level of desire for God or measure my degree of faith in God. I have performed far too many spiritual disciplines with a disengaged heart to believe that. There is one experience, though, that at least gives me a clue to the bent of my heart for God. This experience is worship. Do I stand in awe of God’s glory even when it is shrouded in mystery? Am I humbled by the magnitude of God even when my questions—and His seeming unwillingness to answer them—clamor for my attention? Do I bring all that I am to Him—my brokenness, my sinfulness, my crusty heart, my boredom—in worship because I believe that in Him I find life? As John Piper says, "What we hunger for most, we worship." God, make me hungry. God, make me a worshiper.
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