Let’s be honest, while there are some good reasons for leaving a church, there are a lot more bad ones. As a pastor, I hear some of them every now and then as people walk out the door. As a church planter, I hear them constantly as people walk in the door.

If you’re thinking about looking for a new church home, please don’t use one of these five reasons to make the jump:

1. “I’m not being fed”

Do pastors have a responsibility to steward the scriptures and care for their church spiritually? You bet they do. And it can be all too easy to overlook this while trying to manage staff, build systems, meet needs, put out fires and develop leaders, all while overseeing the overall vision and direction of the church. But let’s be honest, if you own a smartphone, a personal computer or a library card, you have access to some of the best preaching and teaching in the world. You can even find teaching archives of some of the greatest preachers of all time. Christian, you have access to more “meat” than any other generation before you!

To leave a church because you’re not getting “enough” is a cop out. Your primary call in the church is to contribute, not just to consume. As a Christian, you shouldn’t require spoon-feeding for the rest of your life. Eventually you need to learn how to feed yourself so that, in time, you can actually feed others. Remember, your call is not just to be a disciple but to make disciples.

2. “It’s getting too big”

I can appreciate the sense of loss that accompanies growth. When we first began, our church was little more than a small band of brothers and sisters meeting together in a living room. It feels very different now that we are a church of a few hundred people spread across multiple services. There are moments when I miss the intimacy and simplicity of those early days. But remaining small is a sad and unbiblical goal.

When churches are faithful to the Great Commission, lives will be changed and people will be added to their number. It may not happen rapidly, but growth is sometimes inevitable for faithful churches, given a long enough timeline. If you have a problem with big churches, you really wouldn’t have liked the first church, and you definitely won’t like heaven.

3. “I don’t agree with everything that is being preached”

You know what? Neither do I and I’m the pastor. As such I fully reserve the right to disagree with myself. And every now and then I do exactly that. Why? Because I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m asking questions. And my hope is that those I pastor are doing likewise.

If you insist that your pastor agree with you on every little thing under the sun, you are going to either hop from church to church for the rest of your life in perpetual disappointment or you will eventually give up and drop out altogether. Chances are you are not going to agree with everything that is preached anywhere. As long as your pastor isn’t preaching outright heresy, you can afford to disagree on secondary issues.The truth is when you choose to stay despite disagreeing on some things, you, your pastor and your church are better for it.

4. “My Needs Aren’t Being Met”

When someone lists this as a reason for leaving it is a dead giveaway that somewhere along the way they came to believe that the Church actually exists to serve their needs. They’ve bought into the lie that, when it comes to church, it’s really about “me.” Here’s the problem: the Church actually isn’t about you. It’s about Jesus. It’s his Church. He came for it. He died for it. He redeemed it. He continues to build it. And one day, he’ll come back for it. It’s his.

This is the same Jesus who came to seek and to save the lost and then commissioned his Church to go and do the same. The Church doesn’t exist to meet your needs. You are a part of the Church that exists to meet the needs of the world. Put away the shopping cart and pick up a shovel.

5. Unresolved Conflict

Wherever you find the community of sinning saints you will find conflict. Lots of it. The Church is one big family full of characters and misfits. Sometimes sisters argue. Sometimes brothers fight. Sometimes you want to bury your weird uncle in the backyard. But despite it all, family is supposed to be the place where you stick together. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.

Paul addressed a lot of church conflict in his letters. No where do I hear him encouraging believers to bail on one another or move on down the road to a different church where it’ll be easier. Instead, much of his letters are his encouraging and coaching these ragamuffin communities in how to do this very hard and messy thing together.

When we leave at first sign of real conflict, it shortchanges God’s best work in our midst. It sidesteps the process of repentance, forgiveness and grace. It negates the power of the Gospel to bring reconciliation where reconciliation might seem impossible. We and those around us miss out on all of it when we just leave.

I do know that not all conflict is resolvable. I know that reconciliation is impossible where there is no repentance. I get that. But remember, repentance starts with us. And so does the extending of grace. And when we resolve to stick around and keep on repenting and extending grace, I think God can do far more than we often give Him credit for. Some of God’s best work happens in the mess.

An earlier version of this article appeared on aaronloy.com

  1. Sounds good however if you were at a restaurant you would walk out because of the poor service and or menu and that’s how some churches function. It’s “what we have” make a mention to enchance or add to the menu (feeding of the assembly) you’re banded for life. It’s the leadership and elders roles as well as the flocks to want to make God’s house a place of worship and serving training grounds for all God’s people. No one wants to sit through a ceremony each and every Sunday. A lot of people in position are either retired or that’s their full time job and you can tell the ones who juggle. It ain’t about nobody but Christ does it really take 3 hours to serve communion…

  2. Couple thoughts… I noticed majority of people didn’t like this article for these reasons: no biblical references, seemingly specious, not considerate of the many other variables that could effect outlooks and decisions that he didn’t mention, very absolute in his approach.. in which case we all know, “only Sith Lords deal in absolutes”.
    Now I dont want to sit here and bash this guy for writing this article because I dont think hes the only one who has this “sports team” mentality(stay loyal to the team you signed up for and play with any other team) when it comes to church I don’t usually read these christian articles for this reason and much less do I ever actually leave a comment.. but I woke up this morning and saw someone post this article on facebook and I felt led to read it and now comment lol
    I am not going to restate things that have already been said about this article cause thats just redundant, but I will say that I’m sick of “church” being referred to as a building. This term “church” has been redefined as: “a TEAM of people committed to gathering together at a particular BUILDING multiple days out of the year”. Now I know quoteCHURCHquote is not the building as so many christians will nonchalantly and disingenuously say “church is not the building, its the people”. Well if thats the case then why heck are we talking about the significance of stay at a particular “building” at a particular geographical location?? Who gives a crap what “building” you stand under! It just matters where God is taking you and whether you’re following Him. If he takes you to a million churches over your life time, COOL. If he keeps you at one, COOL. Question is, where is God leading you now? No one else can be GOD. We need to stop creating rules for things that don’t ACTUALLY matter. We create meaning in meaningless things when we should instead understand just how many things in this world are meaningless(I think Solomon understood this well).
    Church is like a gym now a days.. go ahead and sign up so you can attempt to achieve the “ideal” body (where idealism is determined by a select few) while you constantly compare yourself to others.. but dont forget to renew your membership!!

  3. I am so tired of these articles. Every time, it is the fault of the person who is leaving the church. Why does no one ever consider what is wrong with the church? I left the church 5 years ago, when I realized that the place I was in wasn’t really the church at all. I vividly remember my last Sunday there. I looked around the room and saw an empty shell full of empty people. It was like scales fell from my eyes and I could see so clearly. The church is empty, locked inside its walls. I left, and no one ever followed up to find out what was wrong.
    The church has left its first love. No one takes Jesus’ words seriously, to leave your gift at the altar and make amends with your brother before returning. Everyone just pretends all is well, when there are so many wrongs that need to be made right.

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