Martin Luther's 10 Sickest Burns

The Father of the Reformation knew how to throw some serious shade.

BY JESSE CAREY GOD November 10, 2015

Martin Luther: Church reformer. Prolific theologian. Craft beer enthusiast. World-class insult artist.

That’s right, if you ideologically crossed this church father, you might have found yourself on the wrong side of a carefully worded barb involving donkey farts or cobweb trousers. (It’s probably a good thing they didn’t have Twitter back then, because Luther doesn’t strike us as the type who would have much patience for trolls.)

Thanks to this insult generator meme—which randomly spits out one of hundreds of stinging quips found in Luther’s writings—the reformer’s sickest burns recently went viral. We’ve parsed through the list to find 10 of the best (or, rather, worst) insults Martin Luther ever penned to honor the church father’s 532nd birthday.

I despise your whorish impudence! You wear a pair of cobweb trousers, like a man who, being naked, put on a new to hide his shame.

Against the Roman Papacy, an Institution of the Devil

You no longer have, as you did several centuries ago, a cunning devil spurring you on, but a palpable blockhead, a crude devil, who in his malice can no longer disguise himself.

Against Hanswurst

You are worse than all the devils. What you have done, no devil has ever done. Your end is near, you son of perdition and Antichrist! Stop now, you are going too far!

Defense and Explanation of All the Articles

You plunge in like a sow to devour pearls, and like a dog tearing holy things to pieces.

Against the Heavenly Prophets

You are like a herd of swine being invited to the table of a prince. You understand not such an honor, but only ravage what is set before you, even soiling the prince.

Visitors of Parish Pastors

Why would anyone tolerate such things from someone like you, a rotten paunch, crude a** and fart-a**?

Against the Roman Papacy

You are a crude a**, and an a** you will remain!

Against the Roman Papacy, an Institution of the Devil

You are the head of all the worst scoundrels on earth, a vicar of the devil, an enemy of God, an adversary of Christ, a destroyer of Christ’s churches; a teacher of lies, blasphemies, and idolatries; an arch-thief and robber; a murderer of kings and inciter to all kinds of bloodshed; a brothel-keeper over all brothel-keepers and all vermin, even that which cannot be named; an Antichrist, a person of sin and child of perdition; a true werewolf.

Against the Heavenly Prophets

You think like this, “As I am a crude a**, and do not read the books, so there is no one in the world who reads them; rather, when I let my braying heehaw, heehaw resound, or even let out a donkey’s fart, then everyone will have to consider it pure truth.”

Against the Roman Papacy, an Institution of the Devil

You are a toad eater and a fawner.

Against the Roman Papacy, an Institution of the Devil

JESSE CAREY

Jesse Carey is an editor at RELEVANT and a mainstay on the weekly RELEVANT Podcast. He lives in Virginia Beach with his wife and two kids.

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