What Women Want in a Godly Man

5 traits that reveal true marriage material.

BY DEBRAFILETA RELATIONSHIPS / LIFE November 05, 2013

Editor’s Note: This is the first in a two part series of what people are looking for godly marriage material. Click here to read “What Men Want in a Godly Woman.”

I saw an ad this weekend that read:

“Men, let’s be real men.”

The ad proceeded to promote a new testosterone pill. If consumed, this pill promised to boost manliness—increased sex drive, muscles and masculinity.

The most frightening thing about this ad is that it speaks some truth—in the sense that our society has managed to reduce manhood to sex drive and muscles.

I don’t know about you, but that is so ridiculously far from my definition of masculinity. The truth is, women are looking for so much more in a man than strong muscles and libido. Far more than cars, athletic ability and all the other meaningless things our society uses to define manhood, there are some things that actually define the measure of a man.

So men, go ahead and ditch the weights, the hot rods and the testosterone pills, because if you’re really trying to catch a fine woman here’s what she’s looking for:

Honesty

More than any other trait, women are looking for a man who is open and honest. The thing about honesty is that it’s a sign of security. What you see is what you get, and there is absolutely nothing to hide.

Men, it’s time to stop pretending and start being real—real with your strengths, your weaknesses, your struggles. Real with your hopes, your dreams and your fears. Real with who you actually are; not who you want to be. A man who has nothing to hide becomes the safe place in which a woman can hide her heart. Now that’s straight-up manly.

Purity

We live in a society that has fooled us into thinking that women have no control over their emotions and men have no control over their eyes. I’m a firm believer that this is a lie straight from the pit of hell. It sickens me to interact with women who expect their men to fall prey to lust, cheating and adultery, as if that’s just part of being a man.

There is no doubt that we live in a world full of sexual temptation and struggles, but it is also true that we serve a God who gives us victory over our entire being—our minds, hearts and bodies. True masculinity comes when a man has enough honor and respect for the woman in his life to say no to temptations. True masculinity comes from a man who knows his weaknesses, but sets himself up to succeed. True masculinity is found in a man who says no to the expectations of this world and lives for a higher calling.

Strength

There is nothing better than a man who exudes strength. Not the muscle-rippling kind of strength, but strength of mind, heart and spirit. A strength that comes from a man who knows what he believes and stands firm for what’s right. A strength in recognizing right from wrong and confessing when he has given into the latter. A strength that is confident enough to do right, choose right and be right.

In this day of compromise, women are looking for a man who is strong enough to stand his ground and hold on to his values, his beliefs and, most importantly, his God.

Compassion

You can always recognize a real man by taking a look at his heart. Does his heart move for the things that move God’s heart? Is he broken by the pain in his life? Is he moved by the sins he’s working to overcome? Is he affected when things are not as they should be in life, in situations, in relationships?

A real man is one who allows his heart to be moved and then allows his actions to follow his heart. A man who strives for healing, restoration and resolution. A man who strives to right the wrongs around him—and the wrongs within him. Women are looking for men of compassion, tenderness and love because therein we will always find the heart of Jesus.

Humility

What raises a man up more than any other earthly thing is his ability to humble himself. A real man doesn’t need to talk up who he is, because his life does that for him. He can put away the talk, because a man of humility is focused so much more on his walk. He is quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because he has put away his “rights” for the right to be selfless, loving and full of grace.

The greatest example of humility is found in the manliest man: Jesus. A man who laid down his rights and made Himself nothing in order to be an example of undying love and affection to the bride who won His heart. Real men seek to do the same.

This is exactly the kind of man who I allowed to win my heart. While I can safely say that he’s nowhere near perfect, he is a man who strives to uphold honesty, purity, strength, compassion and humility in his life and in our marriage.

Women, it’s time to expect more from men, and then, to wait patiently until you see these qualities at work in his life. Don’t you dare settle for less.

Men, it’s time to say no to the lies that are being poured into your brains. You are worth far more than that. Your masculinity is defined by so much more than you think—and that is what is truly attractive in our eyes.

May God continue to work in the lives of our men, that by His grace they would strive to carry the traits that reflect nothing less than the heart of Jesus.

Now that, my friends, is what I call a manly man.

DEBRAFILETA

Debra Fileta is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships and how to find love. Her newest relationship book is set to be released May 2018! She’s the creator of the TrueLoveDates.com, reaching over 4 million people with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships! Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter!

14 thoughts on “What Women Want in a Godly Man

  1. This article does a good job of describing a Godly man. It also describes the man that most women think would be perfect…for someone else.

  2. This article does a good job of describing a Godly man. It also describes the man that most women think would be perfect…for someone else.

  3. Oh I wish I were wrong about this – but my experience of what women want, not what they say they want but they actually want as in real life that results in actively seeking relationships with certain types of men. Yes, strength should be on the list, I would include the physical (appearance) and it ties in with what’s not on the list and that’s confidence, to be assertive whether or not its based on substance. IE intelligence, athletic abilities, finances etc those are important but more important is to portray these traits in strong assertive manner. Women are attracted to the persona of one who exudes that confidence, it is of little concern whether there is substance to substantiate such bluster. Second and it ties in with Confidence and its the manipulation of perception by men and the willingness to be manipulated by women and that is either A) Man has money or and this is suffice in many cases, B) Man give the perception that he can access money/resource in near future. Of course its helpful if he’s nice, polite and he not complete jerk but at the root of it is if he Good Looking & Confident he’ll have no trouble developing relationships.
    PS I also realize that this recipe often results in relationships that aren’t healthy or long term but “we want what we want” whether our sensibilities are offended or not

  4. its so funny when she says quote ” Women, it’s time to expect more from men, and then, to wait patiently until you see these qualities at work in his life. Don’t you dare settle for less.” seriously? wait until your man changes? you cant change your man. period. what you see is what you gonna get.

    you ladies either make up your mind and live with the flaws of your man or go find another one but no waiting will help because people change but very slowly

  5. its quite ironical b/c testosterone is a hormone that has the strongest effect on your personality.

    Ever seen a man that behaves like a girl? thats b/c he has not enough testosterone. Is that attractive? I thought so..

    There are natural ways to raise your testosterone levels by heavy duty exercise and cardio, and it will change the way you behave and your personality in the most profound way possible. it will make you more calm in situatons when your girl would freak out, and that will make you her rock in times of trouble and thats what she really wants.

    All a girl wants is a real mans personality, and you cant have that without testosterone, its actually scientifically proven. Girls want a man who is balanced, who has his life together, and testosterone in combination with 100% devotion to Gods will will give you that, it will make out of you litle king Davids. and then come all the things E.G.White says in Adventist Home about courtship and marriage, and in Testimonies on Sexual Behaviour, Adultery and Divorce, which is the most important book on that issue for our generation, true story.

    The problem today is that there are not enough godly men who have enough testosterone but are wishy washy where estrogen dominates and thats not good, its just sad, where are the real men? Where is godly manliness? May the real men stand up, I know youre fed up ladies, but youve got to keep your head up.

  6. its quite ironical b/c testosterone is a hormone that has the strongest effect on your personality.

    Ever seen a man that behaves like a girl? thats b/c he has not enough testosterone. Is that attractive? I thought so..

    There are natural ways to raise your testosterone levels by heavy duty exercise and cardio, and it will change the way you behave and your personality in the most profound way possible. it will make you more calm in situatons when your girl would freak out, and that will make you her rock in times of trouble and thats what she really wants. All a girl wants is a real mans personality, and you cant have that without testosterone, its actually scientifically proven. Girls want a man who is balanced, who has his life together, and testosterone in combination with 100% devotion to Gods will will give you that, it will make out of you litle king Davids. and then come all the things E.G.White says in Adventist Home about courtship and marriage, and in Testimonies on Sexual Behaviour, Adultery and Divorce, which is the most important book on that issue for our generation, true story.

    The problem today is that there are not enough godly men who have enough testosterone but are wishy washy where estrogen dominates and thats not good, its just sad, where are the real men? Where is godly manliness? May the real men stand up, I know youre fed up ladies, but youve got to keep your head up.

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