Big decisions have a way of showing up uninvited, usually when life already feels complicated enough. The job offer in a city you’ve never visited. The relationship that’s getting serious, fast. The urge to quit everything and start over somewhere with better coffee and fewer memories.
These moments don’t come with a manual, and the stakes can feel impossibly high. For many of us, the pressure to “get it right” is even heavier — after all, isn’t every choice supposed to be part of some grand, God-ordained plan?
Scrolling through endless advice threads and Instagram reels promising “the one question that will change your life” rarely helps. Most of us are just trying to avoid regret, embarrassment or the kind of mistake that becomes a cautionary tale at future small groups. But what if the secret to making better decisions isn’t about finding the perfect answer, but about asking better questions?
Jamie Carter, a certified life coach who’s spent the last decade helping young adults navigate everything from career pivots to existential crises, believes that wisdom starts with self-honesty.
People want a sign from God, or at least a cosmic thumbs-up,” Carter says. “But most of the time, God gives us freedom — and that can be terrifying. The real work is learning to trust yourself, and to trust that God’s not waiting to zap you for picking the wrong door.”
Carter recommends three questions for anyone standing at a crossroads. These aren’t magic bullets, but they can cut through the noise and help you move forward with clarity — and maybe even a little peace.
1. What’s driving this decision — fear or faith?
Motivation matters more than most people realize. Decisions made out of fear tend to shrink your world, while decisions made in faith (even if they’re risky) tend to expand it. Carter points out that fear is a master of disguise.
“Fear will show up dressed as ‘being realistic’ or ‘just playing it safe,’” she says. “But if you dig a little deeper, you’ll find it’s just trying to keep you from discomfort or disappointment.”
Faith, on the other hand, doesn’t always feel comfortable. It rarely comes with a guarantee of success.
“Faith is about moving forward even when you don’t have all the answers,” Carter says. “It’s trusting that God is bigger than your worst-case scenario.”
She suggests taking a hard look at your motives. Are you saying yes to the new job because you’re genuinely excited about the challenge, or because you’re terrified of being stuck? Are you staying in a relationship because you believe in its future, or because you’re afraid of being alone?
Honest answers to these questions can be uncomfortable, but they’re essential.
Carter adds, “If you’re making a decision just to avoid pain, you’re probably not making the right one. But if you’re stepping out because you believe there’s something good on the other side — even if it’s scary — that’s usually a sign you’re moving in faith.”
2. Who am I becoming if I say yes or no?
Every choice shapes your character, whether you notice it or not. Carter encourages her clients to think beyond the immediate outcome and consider the long-term impact on their identity.
“Ask yourself, ‘If I make this choice, who am I becoming?’” she says. “Is this decision moving me closer to the person I want to be, or is it just a shortcut to temporary comfort?”
This isn’t about perfectionism or having a five-year plan mapped out. It’s about intentionality. Carter warns against making choices just to impress others or to fit into someone else’s expectations.
“Social media makes it easy to confuse other people’s applause with your own values,” she says. “But at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to live with your choices.”
Consider the story you want to tell about your life. Does this decision align with your values, your faith and your sense of purpose? Or does it pull you away from those things? Carter suggests journaling or talking it out with a trusted friend. Sometimes, saying your reasons out loud is enough to reveal whether you’re being true to yourself or just trying to avoid a hard conversation.
3. Have I invited wise voices into this process?
Independence is overrated when it comes to big decisions. Carter is adamant that community is one of God’s greatest gifts, especially when you’re facing uncertainty.
“God often speaks through people who know you well and aren’t afraid to tell you the truth,” she says. “If you’re making a big decision in isolation, you’re missing out on a lot of wisdom.”
The key is choosing the right people. Not everyone’s advice is created equal. Carter recommends seeking out friends, mentors or pastors who have a track record of wisdom and who genuinely care about your growth.
“Don’t just look for people who will hype you up or tell you what you want to hear,” she says. “Find the ones who will ask hard questions, pray with you and help you see blind spots.”
Sometimes, the best advice comes from people who have made their own share of mistakes.
Carter says, “Honestly, I trust people more if they’ve failed a few times. They know what it’s like to get it wrong and still find grace on the other side.”
Inviting others into your decision-making process doesn’t mean giving up your agency. It means recognizing that wisdom is a team sport. If everyone in your circle is just as confused as you are, it might be time to expand your circle.
The Bottom Line
Big decisions will always feel risky. There’s no way to guarantee a perfect outcome, and sometimes the only way forward is to take a deep breath and move. But asking the right questions — about your motives, your character and your community — can help you make choices that are rooted in faith, not fear.
Carter sums it up this way: “God isn’t waiting for you to mess up. He’s inviting you to trust him, even when you’re not sure what’s next. The goal isn’t to avoid mistakes — it’s to grow, to learn and to become more like Christ along the way.”
Before you make that big move, take a moment. Ask yourself what’s really driving you, who you’re becoming and who’s walking with you. The answers might not make the decision easy, but they’ll make it a lot more meaningful.
And for the record, texting your ex still isn’t a good idea. Some decisions really are that simple.
