You’re told your life has a calling. Not just meaning or direction — a calling. Capital C. The thing you were born to do. The thing God has wired you for.
But what if you’re 23 and you still have no idea what that is? What if you’ve prayed, journaled, changed majors, taken the personality tests, listened to the sermons — and still feel stuck? What if you chose something, but now you’re not so sure it’s “the thing” anymore?
For a lot of Christians, calling doesn’t feel like a divine gift. It feels like a guessing game you’re somehow already failing. And even when you think you’ve found it, the pressure doesn’t go away. It just gets rebranded as “purpose,” “impact” or “kingdom work.”
Karen Yates, a spiritual director and author, has seen how this mindset messes with people’s faith. “The problem I see with that overused, overemphasized, overpreached word ‘calling’ is that many of us have limited the definition of ‘calling’ to a profession, a career or a role,” she says. “In this view, calling is about what we do, not about who we are.”
And that misunderstanding quietly drives a lot of anxiety. If calling is only about what you do, what happens when your job changes? Or ends? Or never really felt right to begin with? What happens when you pivot careers, or your dream falls apart, or you just grow up and want something different?
“Then when our children walk out the door, when we lose our jobs, when our spouses suddenly die, when the funding doesn’t come in, when we become desensitized with our workplace, or when we simply grow old and hunched over, what then?” Yates asks. “Where is our calling?”
In Christian culture, calling is often portrayed as something you find. But for many, it never shows up. There’s no lightbulb moment, no whisper from Heaven. Just uncertainty. Or envy — watching other people seem to live their “God-given purpose” while you wonder what’s wrong with you.
“For some of us, no matter how long we wait or how hard we search, the elusive ‘calling’ doesn’t come,” Yates says. “We look upon people living out their calling with envy — what’s wrong with us that we don’t know what we’re supposed to do with our lives?”
This way of thinking sets people up for spiritual burnout. If calling is a puzzle to solve, then you’re either winning or failing. But that’s not how Scripture talks about calling. Most of the time, it’s not about a career or a role. It’s about character. Who you’re becoming. How you love. How you endure. How you walk with Jesus when nobody’s watching.
Still, the cultural narrative is hard to shake. We’re conditioned to think calling will come with clarity and confidence — that once we step into it, we’ll just know. It’ll feel right. It’ll feel holy. Anything short of that must be a sign we’re off course.
“We have an expectation our calling is going to feel deliciously good — like the buzzer beater at the end of the game to win it all,” Yates says. “It’s a perceived sweet spot based on happiness — the place where we feel sure we are doing exactly what we are created to do — and anything short of worthwhileness must mean it is not, actually, what we are meant to do or be.”
But sometimes calling is boring. Sometimes it’s painful. Sometimes it’s a long stretch of faithfulness that nobody applauds. And that’s not failure — it might actually be the point.
We don’t need less ambition. But we do need a better theology of purpose. One that leaves room for growth, transition and even confusion. One that doesn’t treat your life like a brand strategy. One that knows you’re not disobedient just because you haven’t found “the thing.”
Yates puts it this way: “We have an expectation that our calling is discoverable. It’s the gold nugget buried within the river bank. Search for it, be patient, don’t give up, we’ll find it (or stumble upon it) one day, eventually, and our lives will never be the same.”
But maybe calling was never meant to be discovered like a secret. Maybe it’s meant to be lived. In small choices. In changing seasons. In becoming the kind of person who’s faithful where they are, not just where they’re hoping to go.
Because your calling isn’t hiding from you. And God’s not withholding it until you figure out the right combination of hustle and holiness. If you’re walking with Him, you’re already in it.
