Fact: A Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks will set you back about $5.95 (unless you’re at an airport where, for some reason, the price of everything goes up for no apparent reason).
Fact: Pumpkin Spice Lattes are gross.
Fact: It is embarrassing to order a Pumpkin Spice Latte. When the barista loudly announces “One Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte for Rick!” with your name emblazoned on the side of the cup, there’s a reason you feel like all of the customers are silently judging you and your faux-autumnal beverage: Because they are.
Fact: If you have $5.95, there are a lot of other cool things you could purchase instead. Here a few ideas:
1. A Now Very Rare and Collectable, Discontinued Copy of I Kissed Dating Goodbye to See How Far Things Have Come
This may be worth something someday.
2. A DVD of VeggieTales: LarryBoy Ultimate Super Hero Collection
(… assuming you still own a device that play a DVD)
3. A Framed Picture of a Lovely-Looking Family
You can make up whatever backstory you want!
4. A Copy of Christmas with Carman
(…assuming you have a way to play a CD.)
Finally, paint you can eat.
(That is, assuming you don’t already own a copy of this masterpiece. If that’s the case, than this can be your back up copy.)
7. Some Old School WWJD Bracelets
The pinnacle of faith and fashion.
8. A Sticker to Show Your Devotion to Jesus and Humor
They will know we are Christians by our stickers.
9. A Passive Aggressive Jesus Bumper Sticker
A very Christian thing to have.
It’s funny because it’s true.