More young Americans are making the choice to go “no contact” with family members over political, religious or personal disagreements.
According to family sociologist Karl Pillemer, who conducted a study on this trend in 2019, nearly 27% of Americans are estranged from a relative, with most reporting they made the break in their 20s. Viral videos and social media posts show people sharing their stories about distancing themselves from relatives they see as toxic, pushing “no contact” into the mainstream. Experts have begun to refer to this as the “estrangement movement.”
The shift is driven, in part, by new ideas around what counts as harmful or damaging behavior. Clinical psychologist Joshua Coleman notes that the definition of trauma has expanded in recent years, and as a result, many young people feel empowered to set firm boundaries to protect their mental health.
Critics, however, worry that “no contact” can be too extreme. Some view it as a sign of hyper-individualism or a quick fix to avoid hard conversations, labeling it as a move driven by a “me-first” culture.
Still, many experts believe that strained or difficult relationships could benefit from better boundaries as opposed to fully going “no contact” with a family member. As author Lysa TerKeurst explains, establishing a boundary is sometimes “the only fighting chance we have for navigating relational challenges in a productive and healthy way.”
“I believe one of the most loving things we can do for ourselves and others is to draw healthy boundaries,” she said. “Why? Because we all have emotional limitations. Just like spending that gets out of control can bankrupt a person’s finances, expending too much emotionally can bankrupt a person’s well-being.”