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Probably the Funniest Obituary You’ll Read Today

Probably the Funniest Obituary You’ll Read Today

Aaron Joseph Purmort was diagnosed with a brain tumor back in 2011. Around that same time, he met Nora, whom he would go on to marry and spend the next, last three years of his life battling cancer alongside. In that time, the two had a son and slowly learned to accept that the tumor would take Aaron’s life. But the two shared a wonderful sense of humor, and co-wrote his obituary—an obituary which is now seeing the light of the day, after Aaron passed away last Tuesday. It’s sweetly funny, very heavy on Spider-Man fandom and even poignant.

Purmort, Aaron Joseph age 35, died peacefully at home on November 25 after complications from a radioactive spider bite that led to years of crime-fighting and a years long battle with a nefarious criminal named Cancer, who has plagued our society for far too long. Civilians will recognize him best as Spider-Man, and thank him for his many years of service protecting our city. His family knew him only as a kind and mild-mannered Art Director, a designer of websites and t-shirts, and concert posters who always had the right cardigan and the right thing to say (even if it was wildly inappropriate). Aaron was known for his long, entertaining stories, which he loved to repeat often. In high school, he was in the band The Asparagus Children, which reached critical acclaim in the northern suburbs. As an adult, he graduated from the College of Visual Arts (which also died an untimely death recently) and worked in several agencies around Minneapolis, settling in as an Interactive Associate Creative Director at Colle + McVoy. Aaron was a comic book aficionado, a pop-culture encyclopedia and always the most fun person at any party. He is survived by his parents Bill and Kim Kuhlmeyer, father Mark Purmort (Patricia, Autumn, Aly), sisters Erika and Nicole, first wife Gwen Stefani, current wife Nora and their son Ralph, who will grow up to avenge his father’s untimely death.

You can watch a teaser for an upcoming documentary about the couple’s brief, beautiful marriage here

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