I’ve always been a one-man kind of woman. I tend to be faithful to my crush du jour—to the point of ridiculousness. Never mind if he’s remotely interested in me—a few months is a short crush for me, and during that time you would be hard-pressed to get me to notice another man.
That’s started to change since I’ve begun the dating program described in Henry Cloud’s How to Get a Date Worth Keeping: Be Dating in Six Months or Your Money Back. At first I was hesitant. I did not want to meet new guys. When the assignment was to meet five guys a week, I was driven more by a “can do” attitude than a real desire.
Now meeting guys has become routine—I’ve actually stopped seeking them out because it’s just happening naturally. A new job and a move to another city have made a difference. It’s hard not to meet five a week when you’re the new girl.
Then one day I realized I knew at least four guys who I’d be happy to go on a date with (and one who I wish would ask me out already). In the terms of this little experiment, that’s probably a good thing. Dr. Cloud wrote an entire chapter titled “Go out with almost anyone once, and maybe again.” I’m not to that point yet, but I’m getting there.
Still, I feel a bit like a player.
Let me give you an example. Recently I was out with a group of friends. I had decided in advance not to be uptight and anal about my interactions with the guys in the group. (Yes, this is something I have to decide consciously.)
And y’know, I had a great time talking to the guys, dancing and tossing around possible plans for later in the summer. When I drove home with my girlfriends that night, I admitted that I’d willingly go on a date with either of the men in question.
That’s a big step for a woman who once was little miss “the next man I date will be my husband.” I’m enjoying my friendship with men without nailing lofty expectations to them.
But you know what I’m starting to realize? I’m a couple months in to this thing now, and I haven’t been asked out on a single date. I haven’t even had the opportunity to go out with “almost anyone” since absolutely no one has asked!
I think the problem is that I don’t really want to adopt Cloud’s philosophy. By the time I talk to a guy for 10 minutes, I’ve often lost any interest in spending more time with him. I tell people I’m a snob, but I think this is that snooty attitude in action. I’m struggling to break out of my idea of my “type.”
Something’s got to give. Operation “find Carla a date” begins now.[Carla Jean Whitley’s roommate is getting used to her daily proclamations about the attractiveness of their mutual friends and the need for certain people to ask her out. Maybe once she starts dating, she’ll chill out a little.]
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