I’ve always been a one-man kind of woman. I tend to be faithful to my crush du jour—to the point of ridiculousness. Never mind if he’s remotely interested in me—a few months is a short crush for me, and during that time you would be hard-pressed to get me to notice another man.
That’s started to change since I’ve begun the dating program described in Henry Cloud’s How to Get a Date Worth Keeping: Be Dating in Six Months or Your Money Back. At first I was hesitant. I did not want to meet new guys. When the assignment was to meet five guys a week, I was driven more by a “can do” attitude than a real desire.
Now meeting guys has become routine—I’ve actually stopped seeking them out because it’s just happening naturally. A new job and a move to another city have made a difference. It’s hard not to meet five a week when you’re the new girl.
Then one day I realized I knew at least four guys who I’d be happy to go on a date with (and one who I wish would ask me out already). In the terms of this little experiment, that’s probably a good thing. Dr. Cloud wrote an entire chapter titled “Go out with almost anyone once, and maybe again.” I’m not to that point yet, but I’m getting there.
Still, I feel a bit like a player.
Let me give you an example. Recently I was out with a group of friends. I had decided in advance not to be uptight and anal about my interactions with the guys in the group. (Yes, this is something I have to decide consciously.)
And y’know, I had a great time talking to the guys, dancing and tossing around possible plans for later in the summer. When I drove home with my girlfriends that night, I admitted that I’d willingly go on a date with either of the men in question.
That’s a big step for a woman who once was little miss “the next man I date will be my husband.” I’m enjoying my friendship with men without nailing lofty expectations to them.
But you know what I’m starting to realize? I’m a couple months in to this thing now, and I haven’t been asked out on a single date. I haven’t even had the opportunity to go out with “almost anyone” since absolutely no one has asked!
I think the problem is that I don’t really want to adopt Cloud’s philosophy. By the time I talk to a guy for 10 minutes, I’ve often lost any interest in spending more time with him. I tell people I’m a snob, but I think this is that snooty attitude in action. I’m struggling to break out of my idea of my “type.”
Something’s got to give. Operation “find Carla a date” begins now.
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