Marriage comes with its fair share of romanticized ideals—and some of them are downright unhelpful. While tying the knot can be deeply fulfilling, the expectations you bring into it can make or break your experience. Let’s debunk five common myths about marriage that might be setting you up for failure.
Myth 1: Marriage Is Work
“Marriage takes work” is advice you’ve probably heard a hundred times. But if the word work brings to mind tedious meetings or punching a clock, that metaphor could be more damaging than helpful.
Sure, relationships require effort, but calling marriage “work” risks reducing it to drudgery. Think of marriage as a partnership, an adventure, or a creative collaboration. Yes, you’ll have to invest energy into navigating challenges, but the overall picture should be one of purpose and joy—not monotony.
The metaphor matters. Choose one that inspires growth and connection, not burnout.
Myth 2: Your Spouse Must Be Your Best Friend
It’s common to hear that your spouse should be your best friend, but this expectation can be unnecessarily rigid. While your relationship should absolutely be built on a foundation of trust and intimacy, demanding that your spouse fill the role of a best friend as you’ve historically defined it can lead to frustration.
Forcing your partner into the “best friend” role creates unfair expectations. They might not laugh at your TikTok obsession like your college roommate did, and they probably won’t rewatch New Girl with you for the fifth time. But they can still be your ride-or-die in a completely different way—something deeper than friendship, something entirely its own.
Myth 3: Marriage Completes You
If you’re entering marriage expecting your partner to fill every emotional void, you’re likely setting both of you up for disappointment. Your spouse is not a savior, a genie or a cure-all for your insecurities. They are, like you, an imperfect human being.
A healthy marriage doesn’t erase your individual struggles; it provides a supportive environment where you can work on them. Instead of seeking completion, look for mutual encouragement—a relationship where both partners inspire each other to grow.
Myth 4: Choosing the Right Person Is the Most Important Decision
While choosing the right partner is undeniably significant, the real work begins after the vows are exchanged. Marriage is a daily choice.
Everyday decisions—whether to prioritize time together, to address small conflicts, or to maintain healthy boundaries—shape your relationship far more than the initial act of choosing your spouse.
Marriages rarely unravel due to a single catastrophic event. Instead, it’s the accumulation of small, unattended cracks that lead to larger fractures. Commitment isn’t just about saying “I do”—it’s about consistently choosing to honor that commitment in the quiet, ordinary moments.
Myth 5: Marriage Is Static
If you expect your marriage to stay the same year after year, you’re in for a surprise. Relationships, like individuals, are dynamic. Every season of life brings change, whether it’s a new job, a growing family, or the unexpected challenges of loss or relocation. The key to a lasting marriage isn’t resisting change but adapting to it together.
Marriage isn’t a fixed state; it’s a journey. The landscape may shift, but the commitment to walk it together remains constant.
Marriage myths can set you up with unrealistic expectations, but they don’t have to define your reality. With thoughtful reflection and intentional effort, you can approach marriage with clarity, flexibility, and hope for what’s ahead.
This article originally appeared at allgroanup.com. Used with permission.
