A lot of Christian marriage advice sounds like it was written by someone who’s never actually been in one. Sure, “pray together” and “don’t go to bed angry” look great on a Hobby Lobby sign but they won’t help when your partner is stonewalling you over something you said three days ago or you’re silently fuming because they still won’t schedule that dentist appointment.
The reality? Most marriages don’t fall apart because of one big thing. They erode slowly, quietly in the space between two people who stopped paying attention. The good news is that strong marriages are built the same way — in the small stuff. The daily check-ins. The eye rolls that turn into laughter. The choice to listen instead of win.
If you want a relationship that lasts and actually feels good to be in, here are six habits that go a lot further than another “marriage challenge” on Instagram.
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Ask “What do you need today?” and actually listen
This one sounds basic because it is — but that’s kind of the point. Most couples don’t fall into resentment overnight; it builds when one person feels like they’re carrying everything and no one’s even noticing. Asking this question does two things: it shows you’re paying attention and it opens the door for actual support instead of assuming your partner wants what you would want. Also, don’t ask this while scrolling TikTok. That defeats the purpose.
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Don’t wait until you’re annoyed to speak up
You don’t have to be on fire to call the fire department — and you don’t have to be fuming to bring something up. A strong marriage makes room for pre-conflict communication. Not “let’s fight about this later” but “hey, this thing kind of bothered me, can we talk about it before it turns into a full-blown argument while we’re trying to leave for church?” This takes guts. And maturity. And a willingness to not always be right. In other words: marriage.
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Stop outsourcing your spiritual life to each other
Just because you married someone with a solid prayer life doesn’t mean you get to coast. Too many Christian couples slide into a rhythm where one person becomes the spiritual overachiever and the other one’s just along for the ride. That’s not partnership — that’s spiritual freeloading. You don’t need to be in the same exact place all the time but you do need to be walking the road together. Not being spiritually lazy is more romantic than any couple’s devo you’ll find on YouVersion.
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Prioritize stupid fun
It sounds cliché, but the couples who laugh together really do last. Not because laughter magically solves your problems but because it gives you breathing room. Marriage is full of heavy stuff — bills, therapy, group texts with your in-laws — and if you don’t intentionally make space for joy, it’ll get buried. Go on a dumb date. Watch trash TV. Make fun of each other (gently). Shared joy is underrated marriage glue.
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Embrace the boring
The most romantic parts of marriage usually don’t look like rom-com montages. They look like grocery runs, budget meetings, folding laundry while talking about your day. If you only feel connected when things are exciting, you’ll constantly be disappointed. The secret? Learn to love the mundane together. That’s where the real stuff — the intimacy, the trust, the safety — lives.
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Let each other grow
Here’s a wild idea: the person you married is going to change. So are you. And if you treat that like a threat instead of a gift, your marriage will shrink instead of expand. Healthy marriages leave room for evolution — new ideas, new dreams, new ways of seeing the world and God and each other. You don’t have to become totally different people. But you do have to give each other space to keep becoming.
There’s no one formula for a strong marriage — but the couples who make it work long-term usually have one thing in common: they don’t stop choosing each other. Not just in the big, dramatic, vow-renewal moments. In the daily, small, barely noticeable ones. These habits won’t make your marriage perfect but they might make it a whole lot more real — and a whole lot more fun to be in.
And yes, you can still pray together. Just maybe after you’ve both apologized for being hangry.
