Modern Christian dating is a mess. Not the fun kind of mess, like a spontaneous road trip gone slightly off course, but the deeply frustrating kind—where the group chat has more theories about why they’re still single than actual dates, and your well-meaning church friends keep offering to “pray for your love life” (please don’t).
Apps were supposed to fix this, right? They promised efficiency, a way to streamline the awkwardness and fast-track your way to The One. Instead, they’ve turned romance into a numbers game, where genuine connection is buried under dead-end DMs, an endless supply of guys named Caleb who “love the outdoors,” and the emotional exhaustion of yet another conversation that goes nowhere.
But here’s the thing: Christian dating wasn’t exactly simple before the apps, either. Because at its core, we have two major problems—one technological, one theological.
First, dating apps have turned romance into a weird consumeristic experience where people are treated like options on a menu. And second, too many Christians are still clinging to the idea that God has preordained one perfect soulmate for them, like some divine matchmaking algorithm. Both of these things are making dating unnecessarily painful. Let’s talk about it.
The Soulmate Myth Needs to Die (Like, Yesterday)
Somewhere between youth group purity talks and watching A Walk to Remember too many times, a lot of us absorbed a dangerous idea: that God has handcrafted one singular, perfect person just for us, and all we have to do is find them.
It’s a comforting thought—until you realize it’s setting you up for failure. First of all, it’s not biblical. There is no verse where Jesus turns to the disciples and says, “Verily I say unto you, thou shalt marry thine God-intended boo, and all shall be well.”
What the Bible actually talks about when it comes to relationships is wisdom, discernment and mutual love—not destiny.
And yet, so many Christians date as if God is playing an elaborate game of hide-and-seek with their spouse. They scrutinize every interaction like it’s a sign from the heavens, waiting for some cosmic confirmation that this is The One.
When things don’t work out, it’s easy to spiral—was this a test? Did I misread God’s plan? Did I somehow miss my divine spouse and now I’m doomed to a life of singleness??
Relax. There is no single, mystical person you’re supposed to find like some sort of biblical scavenger hunt. That’s not how love works. Love isn’t about finding the one right person—it’s about choosing to love a real person, day after day, even when they’re annoying, even when they don’t get your enneagram number, and even when they keep putting their cold feet on you during winter.
Why Swiping Feels So… Exhausting
Even if you don’t buy into the soulmate myth, dating apps still manage to make the whole process feel pretty bleak. At first glance, they seem like a gift from the heavens—a way to meet people outside of your weirdly small church circle without the risk of running into your ex at the worship night. But in reality? They’re just another way to commodify human relationships.
The problem with apps isn’t just that they’re awkward (though they absolutely are). It’s that they create an illusion of infinite choice, which is both exciting and paralyzing. Every “meh” date makes you wonder if someone better is just one swipe away. Every boring conversation reinforces the idea that real connection is elusive. And every unanswered message reminds you that rejection is just part of the deal.
At their worst, dating apps train us to treat people like disposable products rather than potential partners. We start searching for perfection, assuming that anything less than an immediate spark means the person isn’t worth our time. We turn into ruthless critics—scanning profiles like job applications, looking for red flags, debating if we can really be with someone who listens to country music unironically.
This kind of thinking isn’t just unhealthy—it’s counterproductive. Because no matter how many people you swipe through, you’re not going to find a perfect person. And honestly, you wouldn’t even like them if you did.
So, What’s the Move?
If dating apps aren’t delivering and the soulmate myth is a lie, what’s a single Christian supposed to do? Here’s the game plan:
1. Log Off (At Least for a While)
The best relationships usually start when you’re actually living your life, not when you’re doom-scrolling through bios. Instead of treating dating like a part-time job, try meeting people the old-fashioned way—through mutual friends, in coffee shops, at church events that aren’t explicitly singles events (because, yikes). No, this isn’t a foolproof solution. But at least you’ll meet people in a way that doesn’t involve analyzing their height in relation to a group photo.
2. Ditch the Pressure
Marriage isn’t the finish line, and singleness isn’t a cosmic failure. You don’t need to be engaged by 25 to fulfill some invisible church timeline. If you’re not married yet, you’re not “behind”—you’re just living your life, at your pace. And if you are married? Congrats. Hope you enjoy arguing about where to eat for the next 50 years.
3. Redefine Success
A good date isn’t one that ends in a proposal. It’s one where you had a great conversation, learned something new, or at the very least, got a free dessert. Stop treating every date like an audition for lifelong commitment. It’s okay to just see where things go.
4. Be Present
One of the biggest traps in Christian dating is overanalyzing everything to death. What if they’re not my future spouse? What if I date them and then meet someone better? What if I’m wasting time?? Take a breath. Dating is about getting to know people, not making a five-year plan by the end of dinner. Let yourself enjoy the process without turning it into a pressure cooker.
5. Embrace the Reality of Love (Mess and All)
Love isn’t about grand romantic gestures or some mystical confirmation from God. It’s about two people choosing each other, over and over again. And sometimes, that means dating is going to be awkward, confusing, and full of weird text exchanges where someone uses too many exclamation points. That’s okay. The mess is part of it.
Christian dating is never going to be completely smooth sailing. We bring our faith, our anxieties, our weird youth group baggage, and our desire to be known into the mix. But the sooner we let go of unrealistic expectations—whether from Hollywood, the church, or our own overanalyzing brains—the sooner we can actually enjoy dating.
And who knows? Maybe you will find someone amazing. Just… maybe not on an app. And definitely not in the singles ministry.
