You didn’t mean to go on a Christian dating journey. You were just trying to find someone normal to split an appetizer with. And yet, somehow, your Hinge feed turned into a low-budget youth group lock-in hosted in a Planet Fitness.
These aren’t the guys from your church small group. These are the Christian men of The Algorithm: confident, confusing and occasionally carrying acoustic guitars into the woods for no reason. We’ve categorized them all—spiritually, scientifically and chaotically.
Here are every single type of Christian guy you’ll meet on a dating app. Ranked by how likely they are to make you say “God give me strength” (or text your ex).
1. The Guy Who Immediately Tells You God Said You’re His Wife
Congratulations, you’ve been spiritually love-bombed.
This man has never heard your voice, doesn’t know your last name and yet is completely certain the Holy Spirit gave him a vision of your future children’s homeschool co-op. His pickup line is a prophecy. His follow-up is a Bible verse with your name photoshopped into it. God does have a plan for your life, but He probably didn’t say it through a guy in joggers named Caleb.
2. The “Recovering From My Party Phase” Guy
Currently on a sanctified rebrand tour.
He partied hard, blacked out on tequila and nihilism, and now goes to church one time and suddenly he’s the Apostle Paul. He tells you he “used to be wild” like it’s his Roman Empire. Loves sharing his “testimony,” which is really just a confession that he was emotionally unavailable until two weeks ago. Still uses Old Testament wrath language when talking about his ex.
3. The Worship Bro
Profile pics: one leading worship, one in the woods “praying,” one where you can smell the flannel. Always “pursuing the Lord” and also, weirdly, women who look like Sadie Robertson. He will write you a song called “Daughter of the King” before the second date. You will cry. He will ask if it’s because “the Spirit’s moving.” (It’s not.)
4. The Youth Pastor Who’s Always On
Trying so hard to be “fun and flirty for the Lord.”
This guy is 90 percent camp energy, 10 percent repressed panic. He only speaks in icebreakers. Every prompt is a pun. “Let’s taco ’bout Jesus,” “Looking for someone to run this race with,” “Love languages? Mine’s laser tag.” His biggest fear is emotional intimacy. His second biggest fear is the junior high boys discovering his attempted Instagram thirst traps.
5. The Gym Bro for Jesus
His love language is squats and quoting Philippians 4:13 incorrectly.
Every single photo is from the gym. Every caption is “God is good.” He’s looking for a Proverbs 31 woman with a six-pack. If you match, he’ll ask your max bench before your last name. Will baptize you in protein powder.
6. The Bible TikTok Guy
One viral reel away from rebuking you publicly.
He’s on your feed and in your DMs. His hobbies include reading Ephesians on live, flexing his jawline mid-sermon and posting 4K thirst traps with worship music in the background. Somehow both deeply online and deeply self-righteous. Will quote Scripture while trying to flirt.
7. The Reformed Seminary Guy Who’s Judging You
Definitely read Leviticus for fun.
His idea of flirting is asking if your pastor exegetes properly. Says “hermeneutics” like it’s what you’ve been waiting to hear your whole life. Posts pipe-smoking C.S. Lewis memes and writes 600-word answers to Hinge prompts about God’s sovereignty. Will ghost you if you say you listen to Bethel.
8. The “God, Guns and Women Who Submit” Guy
Somehow thinks Ephesians 5 is a pickup line.
He’s looking for “a wife who knows her place,” but still wants her to bring in a second income and homeschool the kids. Thinks masculinity is yelling at baristas. Will text you Proverbs and then Venmo request you for coffee. Feels spiritually led to be your father and your boyfriend.
9. The Missions Trip Softboi
Wears woven pants. Smells like sandalwood and trauma.
Just got back from “finding himself” in Guatemala and now wants to “build a kingdom,” which apparently means starting a sustainable sock brand for Jesus. Keeps referencing how “Western church culture is so shallow,” but lives in Nashville. Feels called to lead—but only from hammocks.
10. The Chill Guy Who Just Happens to Mention He’s Christian
Actually pretty normal. You just don’t trust it.
He plays it cool. Doesn’t lead with it. You find out he goes to church regularly, even serving on the welcome team, and now you’re spiraling because he seems emotionally healthy. There are no mission trip photos. He hasn’t quoted Corinthians once. Are you being punked? Is this a test?
Dating apps are a spiritual battlefield. But now that you’re armed with discernment, humor and maybe pepper spray, you’re ready.
Swipe in peace, saint. And remember: if he starts a sentence with “God told me…,” just delete the app.
