“Your time will come.”
“Live it up now, because when you’re married, you’ll wish you were single.”
“Well, have you tried putting yourself out there?”
Sorry if those phrases make you physically cringe, but we had to get the bad out of the way first.
The last thing single people want is unsolicited advice or questions about their relationship status. As a lifelong single person, you can trust me on that — I get it. We hear things like this all the time from married people or even other single people. Even when they have the best of intentions, these small comments can be really hurtful or frustrating, especially if you hear them all. the. time.
While we can’t control what other people may say to us, we can control which thoughts and opinions we choose to agree with. However, sometimes the things we need to hear are overshadowed by the things no one wants to hear. Here’s five friendly reminders that single people are actually going to want to hear:
Your relationship status doesn’t determine your value.
One of the biggest struggles with being the forever single friend — especially when you seem to be the only forever single friend — is that you start to feel insecure about who you are. Without realizing it, you compare your looks, your interests, your career with people around you who are in seemingly happy relationships.
But the truth is you don’t need to look for flaws that aren’t there or make unnecessary changes. Being single doesn’t mean something is wrong with you, just like being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re perfect, either. You can still be a happy, successful, thriving person even if you’re single.
There’s no timeline you have to stick to.
A long, long time ago, our society started to accept this idea that you have to be married by a certain age otherwise you’ll be alone forever. But as it turns out, there’s no such rule! Whether’s you’re 25 or 52, it doesn’t matter.
Your life isn’t on hold until you’re married. Your life can be whatever you want it to be in your singleness or in a relationship. We’re all on different journeys and timelines, so make the most of your own life. You get to decide what your life will be like. Don’t wait around for something to happen.
You don’t have to lower your standards.
This might seem like something we all know, but it is important as a single person to keep this in mind. After you’ve been single for a long time, you may feel like you should lower your standards and settle for anyone who might give you the time of day. While it’s good advice to be open for love, if there’s someone you already know is wrong for you, you don’t have to settle.
Compromising on a topic that is really important for you isn’t worth the trade. Eventually, the topic will come up and it might lead to bitter heartbreak. Like we said, there’s no rush to find a significant other. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.
It’s OK if you are over being single.
Married couples love to remind single Christians that singleness is a gift (more on that later), but sometimes it doesn’t feel like a gift. Sometimes it feels like a burden. Whether you’re tired of being alone on holidays or you just really wanting a special someone to share life’s big moments with, it can be hard to remain optimistic about your lack of a relationship status. And while it’s never good to stay in a cynical feeling about your relationship status, it’s OK if you do get frustrated.
You don’t have to love being single. You can be mad or sad or any emotion in between. The next time a close friend asks you about your dating life, feel free to be honest. Sometimes all it takes is airing out our frustrations to get the clarity we need to keep going.
This part of your life really is a gift, so treat it like one.
OK, hang on. Don’t leave! Every sermon, every blog post, every former single Christian uses the phrase “singleness is a gift” all the time. But as cliche and cheesy as it is, it’s also true. Being single is a gift.
There’s a lot of freedom that comes with being single, which can at times be overwhelming but an also be a lot of fun. You have time to invest in so many other things, like spending moments with God or taking a trip on your own. You even have the opportunity to invest more in your friendships, which are just as important as romantic relationships. Whatever you decide to do, choose to make the most of every day of your single life.
One final note: there isn’t a “one size fits all” box for single people. Some can be really happy and thriving in their singleness; others are desperately trying to find someone and ready for a way out of their situation. Whatever your current relationship status is, the important thing to remember is that God loves you for who you are, not for who you are (or aren’t) dating.