If you’re still thinking about your significant ex years after the breakup, you’re not broken — you’re actually pretty average.
A new study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science found that it takes the average person about eight years to fully emotionally detach from an ex. That’s not just “stop texting them at 2 a.m.” — that’s feeling no more emotionally connected to them than you would to a stranger.
Researchers at the University of Illinois surveyed over 300 adults who had been in long-term relationships (lasting at least two years) that ended years ago. On average, participants had been broken up for five years, but many still reported lingering feelings for their ex.
The data showed it takes about 4.18 years just to get halfway over someone. And while most people eventually let go completely, a few still felt more emotionally attached to their ex than to a random stranger even after several years.
What slows the process down? Still being in contact with your ex was the biggest factor. Being in a new relationship didn’t speed things up. Anxious people tended to hold on longer. Having kids with an ex? Stronger bond at first, faster fade in the long run.
Bottom line: Getting over someone takes longer than we think — but it happens. Slowly, quietly, and then all at once, you just stop caring. Whew.
