Despite what every sad-girl playlist might suggest, it’s actually men who take breakups the hardest.
A new study from Humboldt University of Berlin examined more than 50 studies and found that men, not women, actually have a harder time coping after a breakup. Despite the outdated trope that women are the emotionally fragile ones, researchers say men are more dependent on their romantic partners for emotional support — largely because they aren’t getting it anywhere else.
“In short, steady relationships are psychologically more important for men than for women,” said Iris Wahring, lead author of the study.
The researchers pointed to the emotional support gap: Women are more likely to talk to friends, family or a therapist after a breakup. Men? Not so much. That’s not entirely by choice. It’s often how they were raised.
Co-author Paul van Lange explains that boys are socialized from a young age to suppress vulnerability, while girls are encouraged to share their feelings. So when a relationship ends, many men find themselves emotionally stranded, unsure how to process the loss, let alone talk about it.
The study helps explain why nearly 70% of divorces are initiated by women. It’s not necessarily because women are colder or more impulsive. Rather, it’s often because they’re less reliant on the relationship to meet all their emotional needs.
Meanwhile, women seem to be doing just fine on their own. Research published in Social Psychological and Personality Science found that single women are more likely than single men to be content and uninterested in coupling up just for the sake of it. Which might explain why women aren’t rushing back into relationships, and why they’re the ones doing the leaving in the first place.
So yes, breakups still hurt, but maybe what hurts more is going through them without anyone to talk to.
