At this point, it’s less of a question and more of a cry into the void: Where are all the decent Christian people to date? You’ve probably heard it at Bible study. You’ve definitely heard it from your single friends. And if you haven’t, congrats on being one of the five couples who met at Passion and are now running a YouTube channel about their God-centered engagement.
The rest of us are out here scrolling through dating apps set to “Christian” and wondering why 80% of the profiles either quote Jeremiah 29:11 or look like they were taken at youth camp in 2016. The dating pool doesn’t just feel small. It feels like someone drained it, salted the earth and said, “Just trust God’s timing.”
But the problem isn’t just slim pickings. It’s a weird, uniquely Christian kind of brokenness that makes dating feel high-stakes, overly spiritualized and somehow… lonelier than ever. So, where did everyone go? And is there still hope for meeting someone who loves Jesus and doesn’t think “intentionality” means sending a passive-aggressive Venmo for their half of the coffee?
Let’s talk about it.
First, the data: According to a 2020 Pew Research Center study, about three-in-ten U.S. adults (31%) say they are single. That means not married, not living with a partner and not in a committed relationship. Among young adults, the number is higher. Forty-one percent of people ages 18 to 29 are single, compared with 23% of people ages 30 to 49.
Within church communities, the landscape shifts. A recent Barna study shows that while more than half of Americans between 18 and 49 are single, only 23% of active churchgoers are. If you’ve ever looked around your church and felt like you accidentally walked into a couples’ retreat, you’re not imagining it. Single Christians really are underrepresented.
However, not all singles are exactly what you’d call dateable. Just because someone checks the “Christian” box doesn’t mean they’re emotionally healthy, spiritually grounded or capable of holding a conversation that doesn’t involve quoting “Wild at Heart.” The quantity might be there. The quality? Questionable.
Which brings us to the deeper issue: the culture of Christian dating itself.
Most Christian dating advice sounds like it was written by someone who’s been married since their youth group mission trip. And they definitely think a situationship is some sort of sin. But the reality is more complicated. A lot of young Christians actually want to date seriously. They’re just not finding people who meet them with the same depth, maturity and follow-through. Or, let’s be honest, even basic text-back energy.
There’s a kind of paralysis happening. Everyone is so afraid of making the wrong move that they’re making no moves at all. Casual dating feels too worldly. Serious dating feels too intense. Hanging out one-on-one? Someone’s definitely going to catch feelings and write about it in their journal for six months. Every interaction has to pass through a filter of mentors, prayer and at least three friends with “discernment.”
Some people are out here treating dating like a theological job interview. They’ll ask about your quiet time, your eschatology and your views on Calvinism before even offering to split a scone. No wonder everyone’s exhausted.
On the other hand, we’re not just looking for someone who loves Jesus. We’re likely looking for someone who loves Jesus exactly the way we do. Same theological convictions. Same political views. Same enneagram number, worship playlist and brunch preferences. It’s not enough to be equally yoked. They also need to quote Tim Keller, listen to Maverick City and have a five-year plan that includes marriage, ministry and maybe a podcast.
And yes, have standards. Please. But there’s a difference between having healthy expectations and holding out for a spiritual unicorn who only exists in your prayer journal and Pinterest board.
If you’re single and feeling like everyone either got married at 22 or turned into a walking red flag in an oversized Carhartt jacket, take heart. The decent Christian people haven’t disappeared. But a lot of them are tired. Burned out. Unsure if it’s worth trying again. And honestly? Just hoping to meet someone who’s normal, kind and emotionally available for once.
Maybe the solution isn’t some genius strategy or viral Christian dating app. Maybe it’s just lowering the pressure. Stop treating every date like a marriage interview. Stop waiting for a sign to ask your crush out. Flirt without guilt. Risk rejection. Let things breathe.
Because real connection doesn’t usually come from a checklist. It comes from presence. Curiosity. Consistency. The willingness to show up again, awkward and hopeful and fully human.
As Debra Fileta, a licensed professional counselor and author, puts it, “Your relationship can only be as healthy as the people in it, so if you’re serious about love—be well—and then choose well.”
And if you’re still wondering where all the decent Christian guys and women are? Maybe they’re wondering the same thing about you.
