For a lot of us in our 20s and 30s, marriage has officially entered its “maybe later” era.
You’ve probably seen it too. Friends happily living alone, TikTok feeds celebrating single life as if it’s a lifestyle brand, and a noticeable lack of urgency toward walking down the aisle. We’re not anti-marriage—we’re just not sprinting toward it like our parents did. And the Church? It’s still mostly planning weddings and waiting for us to show up.
According to Pew Research, only about 20% of adults under 30 are married, down sharply from previous decades. Back in 2000, the typical age to tie the knot hovered around 26. Now, it’s creeping toward 30. This isn’t just a slight delay—it’s a fundamental shift redefining adulthood.
We’re not avoiding commitment because we fear it; we’re slowing down because we’re broke, exhausted, and still figuring out who we are without attaching ourselves to someone else’s identity first. A 2023 study from The Knot found that 81% of young adults still believe in marriage, but a survey by the Thriving Center of Psychology revealed 73% think it’s simply too expensive right now. Honestly, they’re not wrong.
Even among Christians, dating isn’t exactly topping our to-do lists. Barna’s “Restoring Relationships” study notes that 68% of practicing Christian young adults are single and content—or at least not actively looking for relationships. It’s not that we’ve abandoned love; we’re just focused on becoming whole people first.
The awkwardness hits when we step into a church still built around the assumption everyone will marry by 25 and slide seamlessly into “young marrieds” ministries. If you grew up in church, you know the drill: youth group, college ministry, mission trips, marriage, kids’ ministry. But that formula doesn’t fit everyone anymore. Some of us haven’t found a spouse, aren’t searching, or are simply still sorting it all out.
Yet, being unmarried doesn’t make us spiritually incomplete. The Apostle Paul literally recommended singleness as preferable for some (1 Corinthians 7:8). Jesus, arguably the most influential figure in our faith, was single. Yet somehow modern Christian culture treats singleness like spiritual limbo—a placeholder until we finally “arrive” at the altar.
David Kinnaman, president of Barna, puts it bluntly: “Churches aren’t always great at engaging single people or supporting nontraditional paths. There’s still a heavy bias toward married couples and nuclear families.” Many of us have felt this disconnect, subtly sensing we’re considered incomplete until we find a spouse.
But our lives aren’t on pause. We’re building careers, leading ministries, fostering friendships, and shaping communities—actively living full and faithful lives right now. Singleness isn’t a temporary glitch; it can be a calling, a gift, a rich and meaningful path.
What young adults need from the Church isn’t another sermon about becoming “the right person” to attract “the right one.” We need communities that stop treating singleness like a problem that needs solving. We need church leaders who recognize that not everyone’s called to marriage—and that even those who are might not be on the same timetable. We need spaces that don’t position couples as the center of community life, leaving singles to orbit around them.
Churches that embrace singleness well are actually healthier churches overall. When singles are fully integrated, communities become richer and more diverse in their experiences and perspectives. Singles offer a unique set of strengths: more flexibility in their schedules, deep capacities for friendship and community-building, and the ability to invest significantly in ministries, projects, or social causes. A church that taps into these strengths will inevitably become more vibrant and inclusive.
To be clear, this isn’t an anti-marriage manifesto. Plenty of us hope to marry someday—but we’re also determined not to press pause on our purpose until then. And some may never get married at all. We don’t need sympathy cards for that; we need respect, support, and full inclusion in the Church’s vision for community.
The Church already has the theology to do this right. Jesus never treated singles like second-tier believers. Paul didn’t pitch marriage as the ultimate spiritual achievement. So why do sermons, small groups, and Christian events often portray marriage as the finish line?
Imagine a church community where being single isn’t just accepted—it’s celebrated. Picture small groups designed not by relationship status, but by shared interests and callings. Imagine sermons that speak equally to singles and couples, challenging all believers toward deeper faithfulness, regardless of marital status.
Singleness isn’t a spiritual waiting room or a detour from God’s plan. It’s a valid, fulfilling, faithful way to live.
So yes—we’re choosing singleness. Some for now, some indefinitely. The question isn’t why young adults aren’t rushing down the aisle; it’s whether the Church can truly see and value us exactly where we stand.
Because singleness isn’t the problem. Acting like it is—that’s where the real issue lies.
