There’s a certain kind of man gaining traction in Christian spaces — and he’s hard to miss. He’s loud, assertive and convinced that his dominance is a divine mandate. He talks about “taking back biblical manhood,” rails against anything remotely “feminine,” and preaches that real men lead their households with strength, control and zero compromise. He’s the guy telling men to stop crying, stop apologizing, stop being “soft.” He shares verses with the tone of a threat and brags that he’d never let his wife “undermine” him in public. He believes empathy is weakness, gentleness is cowardice and submission is something only women do.
He’s what some call the “Godly Alpha Male.” And on the surface, he looks impressive. He talks about Jesus. He quotes Scripture. He challenges men to step up. But the masculinity he models — one rooted in control, hierarchy and entitlement — has very little in common with the way of Christ.
This kind of manhood is being praised from pulpits, circulated in viral reels and sold through conference merch, all in the name of “God’s design.” But here’s the truth: this isn’t biblical masculinity. It’s patriarchy with a Bible verse slapped on top. It’s Christian nationalism’s answer to male insecurity. It’s not a call to Christlikeness — it’s a license for spiritualized dominance.
And it’s hurting people.
It’s hurting women in marriages where “leadership” becomes control. It’s hurting churches where male authority is never questioned. It’s hurting men who are told there are only two options: be in charge, or be a failure.
The concept of the “alpha male” didn’t even come from Scripture. It came from debunked animal behavior studies. The term was popularized by research on wolves in captivity — research the original scientist later disavowed, explaining that in the wild, wolf packs are built on family bonds, not violent hierarchy. But by then, the damage was done. The idea of the alpha — dominant, unchallenged, always on top — had taken hold. And in Christian circles, it morphed into something even more dangerous: a theological framework.
Today, many churches teach male authority as a God-ordained hierarchy. Men are “the head,” women are “the help,” and any challenge to that order is treated as rebellion against God. The result is a culture where leadership looks less like service and more like control — where being a man of God means being in charge, above reproach and unmovable.
But when we open Scripture, we see something radically different.
Jesus — the one Christian men are called to follow — was not a domineering presence. He didn’t flex power. He didn’t silence dissent. He didn’t grab for control. When crowds tried to force him into kingship, he walked away. When his disciples argued about who was the greatest among them — a classic alpha move — he rebuked them gently and said, “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.” (Matthew 20:26)
That one sentence undercuts the entire alpha male fantasy. In Jesus’ kingdom, greatness is not about power. It’s about service.
The Apostle Paul echoes this in Philippians 2, describing Jesus as one who, “being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant.” (Philippians 2:6–7)
The most powerful person in the universe used his power to serve. Not to command attention, not to establish dominance — but to kneel, to wash feet, to surrender his life. And yet, today, many Christian leaders are preaching a masculinity that celebrates the exact opposite: power hoarded, emotion denied, vulnerability mocked.
That disconnect isn’t just theological — it’s pastoral. It’s forming a generation of men who think Christlikeness is weakness. Who think being “godly” means never being questioned. Who think women are threats instead of partners.
Beth Allison Barr, historian and author of The Making of Biblical Womanhood, has written extensively about how these ideas are more about culture than Christ. “Christian patriarchy isn’t about biblical values,” she writes. “It’s about power.”
And that power is being propped up with fear — fear that the culture is emasculating men, that feminism is undermining the family, that the only way to save the church is to reinforce traditional gender roles. But fear is a terrible foundation for discipleship. It produces caricatures instead of Christ-followers. It tells men that their value lies in dominance rather than humility. That their identity is proven by what (or who) they control, not by how they love.
Meanwhile, the collateral damage keeps piling up.
Men who are naturally tender-hearted, artistic or soft-spoken often feel out of place in churches shaped by alpha ideals. They’re told — implicitly or explicitly — that real men don’t struggle with anxiety. Real men don’t cry. Real men lead, no matter what. And if they don’t feel like leaders, they must be failing.
But what if those men aren’t failing? What if they’re actually closer to Jesus than the men who posture and puff themselves up?
Jesus didn’t fit the mold of what people expected from a “strong” man. He wept publicly. He spent time with children. He was moved by compassion. He let women sit at his feet and speak boldly in public. He didn’t tell his followers to toughen up — he told them to become like little children.
In 1 Corinthians 16:13–14, Paul writes, “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.” Courage and love are not in opposition. Real strength is not cold or forceful — it’s rooted in sacrificial love. That’s the strength Jesus modeled. That’s the strength the church should be forming in men.
But too often, we offer men only two choices: become passive and compliant, or become dominant and “manly.” We don’t leave space for men to simply be like Christ — strong and soft, bold and broken, confident and compassionate.
What the church needs now isn’t more “alpha males.” It needs more men who are willing to kneel. Men who know that power is safest in the hands of those who don’t seek it. Men who are unafraid to weep, to apologize, to listen, to serve. Men who believe their worth is not in being first, but in loving well.
God isn’t asking men to be kings. He’s asking them to be like Jesus.
If Jesus is our example — not just our Savior, but our pattern — then the alpha male myth can’t stand. Because Jesus never played the alpha. He emptied himself. He led through sacrifice. He laid his body down for the good of others.
So let’s say it plainly: This hyper-masculine, control-obsessed version of Christianity is not the gospel. It’s a distortion. And it’s time we stopped applauding it.
There is a better way. A braver way. A Christlike way. And it starts not by grabbing for power, but by laying it down.
